Seeking Someone Who Does Not Want To Be Found: Indifference

Seeking Someone Who Does Not Want To Be Found: Indifference
Raquel Aldana

Written and verified by the psychologist Raquel Aldana.

Last update: 28 July, 2022

I’ve noticed that someone has been waiting for me for a long time. That someone is me. It’s time to give myself the opportunity to smile and stop chasing after someone who does not want to be reached and only shows indifference.

They say the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. They say this kills the affection, that you shouldn’t be lazy with what you love, that indifference is the worst punishment, and that it is a real blunder to neglect what we love.

It is not good to run after someone who already knows where you are. It wears you down, it consumes you, destroys you, harms you, it hurts…But we cannot allow lack of interest to torment us. We are worth much more than we think.

They say there is no lack of time, there is a lack of interest, because when people really want something they find the time.

lacking time

The person who wants you will come looking for you

Do not sacrifice yourself for those who do not do it for you, you’ll just receive indifference in return. Someone  who really loves you will not make requests that may cause pain or disadvantage in your life.

Stop insisting and banging on the doors that don’t want to open for you. Affection cannot stand indifference. They will be at odds for all of eternity with no possibility of reconciliation.

Love is not something to be begged for. So that’s why we have to work our dignity, resurface and stop expecting miracles for affection to happen.

girl flying on a feather

Love is never wasted

“My mother used to say that love is never wasted, even if it is not returned to you to the same extent you deserve or want.

Let it go, he said. Open your heart and do not be afraid of it being broken. Hearts that are protected end up turning to stone.”

“The Heartbreak Cafe” – Penelope Stokes.

This means that even if we have bad experiences, even if we feel we’ve been taken advantage of, that they haven’t been able to love us back or that selfishness has prevailed in those around us, we must not give up.

This means that anytime, anywhere we can find reciprocity and cultivate healthy relationships. Giving love always makes sense, it is not something we share and then lose.

What happens is that giving a lot and receiving little is tiring. So the key is to not put all our hopes and expectations in one emotion, because it cannot be matched and, therefore, our life is turned upside down.

What must come will come at some point or another, but not as a payment for our actions, rather as a natural situation in life.

girl and heart

The absence of reciprocity and gratitude

There are relationships and friendships that are doomed to failure because of the total lack of gratitude and reciprocity. This is simple: to maintain a lively feeling you have to work at it, pay attention and give it time.

However, we must be careful not to overwhelm ourselves with requirements. Do we really need our partner to engage us every second of our time and in every thought? If so, then we will have to review our emotional state, work on our needs and get rid of certain desires and emotional ideas that compromise our feelings.

“To love one must take on an inside job that is only made possible by loneliness.”

– Alejandro Jodorowsky –

Blog_20150207_Mariano_Self Love Is First

Ignore those who do not value you

To be happy we must learn to ignore those who punish us with indifference and make us question our personal and social worth. So we must consider how to create emotional distance, how to search for oxygen and count to three when we see them.

Each of us has different ways of escaping to take in some psychological air and thus greet their emotions, their sensitivity, their self-respect and their self-esteem.

For this we need to reflect, remove the indifference of the person who expressed little interest in our feelings and makes us feel slighted. By doing this we are better able to surround ourselves with people who make us feel that the world is a good place.

That’s the only way we can liberate ourselves from all that imprisons us, and we can give the green light to life and allow it to surprise us without hurting us. So do not expect anything from anyone, expect everything of yourself, and the rest will come when you least expect it.


This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.