Philophobia: The Fear of Love

Philophobia: The Fear of Love

Last update: 31 May, 2016

Fall in love without asking yourself permission. Let go of your fears! Do you know what you’re losing out on? Do you know that you’re letting some of the most beautiful little pieces of your life escape out of fear? The fear of love can be quite enslaving.

Say “enough!” and fall in love no matter the consequences. Don’t be afraid of love. Be brave, take risks. You can’t turn back time and do things over. Maybe you’ll get a second chance in another body and another soul, maybe in another way, but it will never be the same. Let your heart beat with strength.

Let love fill you up like an ocean breeze or a radiant sun. Laugh, jump, be happy. Be happy with the love that knocked on your door and said hello. Don’t close the doors to your heart and soul. What are you so afraid of? Losing it? In this life, nothing is certain except death. Accept that potential losses will always happen, including the loss of love, but all the while, you’re still alive.

Understanding the fear of love

“What’s happening to me? Why does love scare me so much? It’s something that I can’t avoid, but when I notice that I’m starting to fall in love, I run away. I end the relationship, and then I feel calm again. I just panic, which physically manifests as dizziness, nausea, and shaking. And I can’t stand it.”

Maybe you have philophobia, or the fear of falling in love. When you’re about to enter into a relationship, you panic and end it in most cases. Sometimes you realize what is happening, and other times you make excuses or find a thousand and one reasons to justify your decision.

heart lock

When a philophobe is about to fall in love, they feel a helpless fear that holds them back. After all, who likes it when their heart beats too fast? Who likes it when they sweat, feel dizzy, or in short, feel vulnerable? For them, the normal reaction is to remove themselves from the unpleasant situation as soon as possible.

This fear of love seems to be related to experiences from past relationships that left a mark of pain and suffering. When they notice that the same thing could happen again or they start to feel vulnerable, they run away from the relationship as soon as possible to protect themselves from what could be another disappointment.

“How much we lose for fear of losing.”

-Paulo Coelho-

How to conquer the fear of love

Phobias can be cured, and philophobia is no different. You just need to accept what’s happening to you, be motivated enough to want to cure it, and get help from specialists. There are certain therapies that treat phobias, such as:

  • Cognitive therapyThis therapy will help you recognize the mental process that makes you feel afraid. You’ll get to know your fears and worries, and learn how to substitute your thoughts with more positive ones.
  • Emotional desensitization. This therapy involves exposing the person to things that make them panic, whether it’s love or something else.
  • Hypnotherapy. Hypnosis can help to eliminate negative associations. It involves discovering psychological trauma in people under an induced hypnotic state. In this state, the therapist asks the patient to abandon their fears.
  • Neurolinguistic programmingThis controversial therapy is combined with hypnosis. It states that our thoughts are shaped by words, which end up creating a program in our brain. The patient learns about the programs that have been installed in their brain by themselves, their parents, their professors, etc., and changes them.

“I’m not afraid of anything as much as fear.”

-Michel Eyquem de Montaigne-

fancy couple

You can also try to face your fear of love by yourself. To do so, you have to be committed to the process of change and be aware that you’ll frequently try to make excuses. You can also try the following:

  • Don’t overexaggerate the issue. Sometimes we picture consequences and concerns that are worse than what would actually happen. Pay more attention to your habit of generalizing and magnifying what happens to you.
  • Read about philophobia. Informing yourself about what’s happening to you and identifying the characteristics of philophobia will help you understand yourself better. Then you can gain the skills and strategies you need to face your fear.
  • Understand why this is happening to you.
  • Use your emotional intelligence. Understanding and managing your emotions, as well as understanding other people’s emotions, will make it easier to manage your feelings and relationships with others.
  • Think about the worst that could happen if you lost that person. “If I fall in love and I lose them, what’s the worst that could happen to me? Nothing…life will go on.” Thoughts like these will help you combat philophobia.
  • Talk with your partner about it. Tell them without fear or embarrassment. This will help them understand many of the reactions that you’ve had. Communicating with them about your fears will allow them to understand you and be able to help you.

So why not try it out and stop being so afraid of love? Do you not realize everything you’re losing out on? Your fears are only in your head, don’t surrender to them. If you don’t face life, you won’t be able to savor it or enjoy it. If you overcome your fear of love, your self-esteem will increase and you’ll build healthier relationships with other people.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.