I Am the Protagonist of My Own Story

I Am the Protagonist of My Own Story
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 28 July, 2022

I declare myself the protagonist of my own life, I am not what others impose on me. I declare myself responsible for what I do and say, not for what others understand. My virtues define me. I love myself whole, without fissures, with every imperfect corner, with every madness I enjoy, with every mistake made and every shadow that I embrace from time to time to heal my scars. . .

Self-acceptance is a complex and labyrinthine task. It is often at the top of the list we write with invisible ink- our list of pending tasks- as one who writes his good intentions at the beginning of the year. Thus, and almost without realizing it, there comes a day when we look in the mirror and feel a sudden and inexplicable pinprick. Are we really the person we see reflected? How can mirrors show us such a clear, untainted, and perfect image of ourselves when we feel so “broken”?

“The price of greatness is responsibility.”

Winston Churchill

Something particularly curious that usually occurs in people who have not worked on their self-acceptance is that they usually hold others responsible for their unhappiness. These are people who have not integrated all those personal and affective dimensions that define one. They blame others for their unhappiness and discomfort almost automatically, often mired in a sadly defeatist attitude.

For example: if I can’t find a good partner, I assume it is because no one believes in commitment anymore. When I fail an exam, it is because the teacher does not like me. If I do not have good friends it is because people are false and ungrateful. When I am wrong about something, it is because someone explained it to me poorly. If I feel insecure, it’s because of my family. . .

People with this kind of attitude spread the origin of their frustrations to everyone around them. Therefore, few exercises can be more healthy, cathartic, and therapeutic than taking control and declaring yourself the protagonist of your own story. Declaring yourself responsible for who you are and what you do.

protagonist of my own story

Assume personal responsibility to achieve happiness

Declaring oneself responsible for what one is, what one does, and what one thinks is a process. Personal responsibility means above all, not blaming others for your own unhappiness. It also means being able to discover different ways with which to achieve balance and your own well-being, despite whatever negativity may surround you.

At this point, you are likely wondering if this means that you can be happy no matter what the circumstances are. What happens if I find out I have a disease? What happens if my relationship is stormy and unstable?

Well, the answer to these questions is, in itself, simple. To be responsible for oneself is to understand that there are things we cannot control. A physical illness is a good example of this. In this case, besides knowing how to accept it, what makes the difference is our ATTITUDE.

The person who sees himself as the protagonist of his own life and not as a supporting actor understands that, in order to be happy, you have to make decisions. Therefore, everything that clouds his path, lowers self-esteem, or distracts is left behind. It is better to leave these things and remember the commitment you made in that brave moment. When you decided “you have come to this world to be happy, do not waste your time in what takes away joy.”

woman protagonist of my own story

Learn to be responsible for yourself, declare yourself free

William Ury, a well-known anthropologist, has acquired a notable reputation for working as a mediator and promoter of personal growth through books such as The Way to the YES. For this author, being responsible for ourselves lies in two basic areas. First, we must know how to take care of ourselves. We must be able to see the relationship between our actions and their consequences. Second, we must learn to respect the commitments we make with others.   

“We are the memory we have and the responsibility we assume, without memory we do not exist and without responsibility we may not deserve to exist.”

Jose Saramago

Dr. Ury also proposes that in order to achieve this magical balance, we must give ourselves the “YES”. To validate ourselves as people. To self-perceive ourselves as capable beings, beautiful people worthy of achieving what we set out to do. For this, he invites us to follow these steps:

protagonist of my own story

The 4 steps to personal responsibility

  1. Put yourself in your own shoes. It is very possible that, throughout our lives, we have focused only on others, on satisfying the needs of others. It is time to listen to ourselves. To authentically tune in with our emotions and our values, clearly clarifying what we want and what we do not want.
  2. Sign a contract with yourself. If you have not already done so, it is advisable that we do this as soon as possible. It is neither more nor less than remembering every day and every moment, that we are obliged to attend to our needs regardless of what others do.
  3. Learn to flow. Being responsible for oneself also means learning to trust, both in our own capacities and in our destiny. Assume that there are things that come and go. Stop clinging to the impossible. Let yourself grow.
  4. Finally, remember that your daily life is not a competition. There is no law that tells us that there are some that must always win and others that are bound to lose. To live is to celebrate life. It is to give and to receive. It is to cohabit in harmony. To be responsible for ourselves with our successes and mistakes, without blaming our frustrations on whoever is nearby.

Now, let’s put these simple tips into practice. Let’s be the true protagonists of our existence.


This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.