We Are Responsible for Our Pleasure

October 6, 2016

Sexual pleasure is something that happens in our own body, which is why we are the only ones responsible for how we experience it. It is not something that stems from a passive attitude; it implies an active search to experience and enjoy it as we decide.

Each of us experiences sexuality in a personal way. Desire, arousal, satisfaction, pleasure: all of these pleasant sensations are part of diverse sexualities. There is no “normal” when it comes to how these sensations must be experienced, which is why sexual response is unique and exclusive for each individual.

Sexuality is not what we believe, it is not what we have been told. There does not exist one, but rather many sexualities.”

-Albert Rams-

At the moment when we subject our pleasure to expectations about what is “normal,” we lose our sexual identity and our natural tendency to explore new sensations. We easily renounce our pleasure by adapting to an ideal we’ve created in our mind.

Learning to give yourself up to the sensations

Sexual pleasure is closely linked to allowing ourselves to surrender to the sensations that appear. Our controlling mind limits our pleasure experience. This is why we are often disconnected from our body and unable to yield to our full potential to enjoy sex. We have many resources that help us to experience sexual pleasure:

  • Our body is potentially prepared and capable of experiencing pleasure.
  • The skin is our body’s largest sexual organ. It is filled with sense receptors that bring us satisfaction.
  • Our nature is directed towards avoiding pain and seeking pleasure.
  • We can put our mind at our sensations’ disposal, identifying them through relaxation, creativity, and imagination.
  • Light and pleasant physical contact makes it possible to have a state of concentration that leads to pleasurable sensations.
  • Conscious breathing helps us to be in touch with all of our senses for a fulfilling experience.
Holding Hands During Sex

“Sexual pleasure in women is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken.”

– Simone de Beauvoir-

Our pleasure does not depend on another person

What do you do for your pleasure? Whatever you do not do for it, do not expect another person to do it for you. We are responsible for this marvelous experience, which is necessary for a life without guilt, without shame, pressure, or fear.

The more knowledge we have about our body, the more secure and free we will be to communicate what it is that we like and what provides pleasure. We are the protagonists of what we feel, and for this reason, we decide when and how we share our intimacy.

Our pleasure does not depend on anyone but ourselves. It is a mistake to think that the satisfaction of our needs depends on the skill of another person to discover what we like.

When we let the satisfaction of our needs and pleasant experiences depend on another person, we are declaring our lack of identity and self-awareness. We are giving power to another person over us and creating a pressure for them that will in turn limit their own pleasure.

Woman Flowers in Hair Bird on Shoulder

The magic of pleasure consists in loving and enjoying oneself

There are numerous factors that contribute to healthy and fulfilling sexuality: good self-esteem, self-awareness, having the freedom to ask without fear, trust to give yourself over to sensations, etc.

All of these factors contribute to our ability to maintain pleasant relationships, both for ourselves and for the person that we decide upon. Self-awareness and knowing how to enjoy oneself are fundamental in order to share our pleasant sensations with another person.

A positive mood increases the value of the erotic experience. Sensations and feelings like love, affection, and fantasy affect the intensity of pleasant experiences in an extraordinary way.

No one has the right nor the blame for the pleasure that we are capable of experiencing, for we have the ability to create it for ourselves and transmit it to share it.