Growing In Love – the Do’s and Don’ts of Relationships
For many, having a steady partner has become something of an impossible mission. It shouldn’t be that way. Loving and letting oneself be loved is a simple and spontaneous act, as our do’s and don’ts of love demonstrate. It is we who end up complicating everything. It’s true that love makes us vulnerable; there comes a moment when we have to bare our heart and think about growing in love. As a result of this, we often get hurt, and we resolve to never open it again. We just don’t want to go through all that again.
The problem is that by becoming so secretive we will be losing out on some of the most beautiful aspects of love. Read on and find out about the do’s and don’ts of growing in love.
“Love until it hurts. If it hurts is a good sign”.
-Mother Teresa of Calcutta-
These days there is a lot of fear associated with love. We find it hard to accept the fact that every relationship will involve some sort of suffering. We also don’t realize that growing in love and maintaining that love is in our own hands. But how can we attain it? That is what our do’s and don’ts of love teach us, read on and enjoy!
1. Open all your communication channels
As basic a comment as it may seem, you should always remember the importance of communication. It is the foundation of a couple’s relationship and of all types of loving relationships. If there is communication and dialogue, then everything is possible. If we are growing in love, then everything can be achieved.
The do’s and don’ts of love teach us that communication is what shapes our feelings. The feelings that exist inside our very relationships. If you love someone, but don’t tell them, then it’s as if that feeling didn’t exist. Remember that communication comprises many possibilities, and is more than just words.
2. Be sensitive to your partner
Being sensitive means being attentive to the person you love. To what they say and what they don´t say. To what their gesture and tone of voice are trying to communicate. Listen, look, touch. Learn to identify their moods. Their needs. This is growing in love.
Don’t do it just so that you can say “What’s the matter with you?” when you can see there’s something wrong or that they seem a bit different. It’s really tedious to have to explain everything to the other person when you’re going through a bad time. What a pain to have to explain all your feelings in words. A sensitive person is just happy to be there, and they’ll just communicate that, and their love, often without the need for words.
3. Growing in love – sharing quality time
Sometimes, over time, you stop appreciating the importance of those romantic, intimate, moments that you spend alone together. This happens because you feel that your love is already consolidated. Things seem to be going well. You’re happy with things the way they are, and what needed to be done has already taken place.
Although all of this may be true to a large extent, it also shows a wrong perspective. The do’s and don’ts of love tell us that love can never be completely built. Relationships are in a state of constant transformation and to keep love strong it’s important not to forget romance, nor special opportunities to spend time alone.
4. Not in public
One of the things that causes most resentment in a relationship is when your partner criticizes you publicly. Never, under any circumstance, should we recriminate our loved one in front of others. This is one of the rules of the do’s and don’ts of love that should never be broken. It is not growing in love.
When the complaint is made in public, it is humiliating for the other person. Why do we feel the need to publicize our loved one’s errors and mistakes? It is a subtle form of retaliation and revenge, and not a sincere desire to express a disagreement or to complain about the other person’s failings.
5. Let the other person breathe
Everyone becomes possessive about their loved one to a greater or lesser degree. What you cannot let happen is for this possessiveness to become the main thing in your relationship. Although there will be jealousy from time to time, it should not be something that constantly occurs.
Likewise, if you genuinely love someone, then you will want to work to get rid of these controlling attitudes that lead nowhere. Nobody is the possession of another person. That intensity only leads to distancing. Everyone must have their own space.
6. Good and bad times
The do’s and don’ts of love invite us not to only romanticize our relationships, but to always keep a dose of realism in them. No matter how beautiful a relationship is, you will always have to go through difficult times. That doesn’t mean there is something wrong. Quite the opposite. It is healthy to have these challenges.
Difficulties allow a couple to grow and mature in their relationship. These are the times when the quality of the relationship is put to the test. It’s also a great opportunity to breathe fresh air into your love life, and to put things back into their correct places.
7. Do not let small anger accumulate
Small arguments can spiral out of control. Small disagreements can turn into bigger battles if you are not willing to calm things down and sort out the problems.
What you should never do is pretend that everything will sort itself out as if by magic. Things can sometimes seem unimportant, but you can never be certain about that. Especially if they occur on a regular basis.
8. Cultivate intimacy
When a person feels loved, sexuality flows spontaneously. Love is the best aphrodisiac. However, in sexuality, as in other many other aspects, there are ups and downs. There are times of great spontaneity interspersed with dryer times. The do’s and don’ts of love show us that intimacy should be cultivated. This doesn’t mean inventing strange or exotic situations so that the flame doesn’t go out. It means kissing, laughing, caressing, hugging. All these manifestations ignite passion.
9. Your partner is not responsible for you
In a relationship, each person is responsible to the other to a certain extent. The key is in the expression “to a certain extent”. No one can expect that their partner will become the source of all their happiness. No human being should have that obligation. The problem is that there are many people who idealize love and relationships. They expect much more than what they can give. Then, eventually, they’ll feel disappointed with each other for not fulfilling those expectations. In these cases, we must change our perspective.
10. Strengthen yourself
A relationship is only healthy when those who are in it are also healthy. If you want the relationship to grow, you must grow first. If you want it to improve, start with yourself. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you are no longer an individual. Your first commitment is to yourself.
The do’s and don’ts of love is a tool that can help us to refocus. It is not a recipe or list that must be followed to the letter. Just use it as a guide so that you make growing in love the most important thing in your relationship.
Images courtesy of Benjamin Lacombe