Some Truths About Love

There's a tendency to idealize love. However, this is a mistake.

For centuries, poets, painters, and musicians have idealized the concept of love. Hence, a set of myths have been constructed that remain in circulation today. In fact, many people pay attention to them, without even stopping to think thoroughly about whether or not they’re valid.

The difficulty is, that you often build expectations that are too high. To the extent that no reality will ever live up to what you dream of and anticipate. That’s why you repeatedly feel disillusioned with reality and find it difficult to build genuine bonds of love with others.

Next, we’ll take a look at some of these myths and beliefs concerning the romanticism of love.

Love as a whole

When you idealize love, it becomes the center of your own personal universe. It represents the sum of all that’s good and the point where all the paths of your life lead. It signifies redemption, salvation, and the culmination of all desires.

As a matter of fact, there’s a frequent allusion to the idea that you’ll only be happy if you find and keep a partner. It’s also said that love involves great sacrifices and hardships, as a relationship should be maintained at all costs. If you believe this, you must engage your whole being in your relationship. There can be no secrets and no restrictions.

However, reality suggests otherwise. In fact, when everything revolves around a relationship, this has more to do with neurosis than with love.

You’re a human being and, as such, you have multiple dimensions. Nevertheless, not all of them should be shared with your partner. Furthermore, there are many situations and people in life that make you happy, and it’s not only romantic love that has this virtue.

There are also certain personal spheres that you consider to be private. They’re those spaces that you like to reserve for yourself. They’re part of your process of self-knowledge and individual exploration of your life. It isn’t disloyal to not share them with your partner. Nor is it selfish. It’s simply a mechanism to preserve your own individuality.

The myth of possession over the other

This myth comprises the belief that the love of a couple is an overwhelming totality in which there’s no place for individuality. For example, it’s argued that all true love must lead to marriage or, in any case, to a lasting coexistence.

It’s also often claimed that jealousy is an absolutely legitimate passion. There are even those who affirm that jealousy is one of the unequivocal signs of love: If they love you, they’ll be jealous. On the other hand, infidelity is seen as definitive proof of lack of love, an insurmountable obstacle, a serious offense.

Nevertheless, once again, reality demonstrates that things aren’t exactly as the romantics suggest. For instance, there’s no way to guarantee that true love will end in a stable union, one that’ll never break down over the years. That’s because it isn’t a static feeling. Indeed, every day, you see marriages that continue to exist without love. Or, relationships that break up even though great affection exists on both sides.

We also know that infidelity exists and that it occurs even in couples who really love each other. In fact, infidelity doesn’t necessarily depend on a lack of this feeling, but often has more to do with insecurities or personal emptiness than with failures in the relationship.

Finally, it can be concluded that you’d probably be much happier if you gave up believing in these myths of romanticism. In this way, you’d be able to better appreciate reality. Furthermore, perhaps you’d stop yearning for what doesn’t exist. Instead, you’d be able to fully enjoy what you can truly expect from this rather complicated emotion.

Image courtesy of Elena Dijour