I Was Born Whole, I Don't Need Another Half

I Was Born Whole, I Don't Need Another Half

Last update: 01 May, 2016

I am not half a person; I am a whole. I have everything I need to feel complete and to live a full and satisfying life. My happiness depends on me, and no one else. 

I don’t believe in fairy tales, nor in prince charming, nor in princesses. I believe in myself and the endless possibilities I have to make myself happy. 

“I am not interested in how much you love me, but rather how well you love me, and that with each day that love grows. Love is not a question of quantity.” 

-Walter Riso-

The myth of the soul mate 

Idealizing another person with thoughts like “we are made for each other” or “he/she completes me” can cause a lot of pain in relationships over time. As soon as difficulties in the relationship emerge, it becomes clear that a statement like “we are made for each other” is not realistic. And that dashed expectation leads to frustration and dissatisfaction.

Couples are not perfect. With time, problems will inevitably arise. Sometimes problems originate because of differences in age, education, and even culture or religion. In a relationship, each member must unconditionally accept the other as they are. They must accept each other in such a way that the differences between do not hurt the relationship, but rather enrich it.

couple falling together blindfolded whole

One of the biggest mistakes that lurks within the myth of the “soul mate” is that it implies that we are incomplete beings. If we believe this, we will believe that we can only life a full life by finding true love. We will believe that this is the only thing that will make us happy. However, making our happiness depend entirely on a romantic relationship is a huge mistake. In reality, it is one that will actually impede us from finding real happiness.

People who are happy are this way whether or not they are part of a couple. We are all whole, complete. We are not missing anything, not a tidbit nor a half. We are all capable of reaching our goals on our own.

In fact, the success of a relationship depends greatly on the fact that the two members of it are whole people who are independent and happy on their own. Of course, love shared between two whole parts if much better and much deeper. It has to do with sharing one’s life, both the good and the bad. It means taking pleasure in the other person just as they are.

You don’t need someone else to make you whole… Be the one to love yourself 

Loving oneself is a difficult subject for many people. However, this concept addresses something essential and fundamental. Below are a few tricks to help you love yourself a little more.

Value your qualities 

If you are the kind of person who tortures themselves by obsessing over the things you struggle with, and you then feel guilty about these things, it is time to stop. Put aside the negative and appreciate the myriad of positive qualities you have. Think of the things you do well and make a list. Look at the list every day and remind yourself how wonderful you are.

“If you live to please others, everyone will love you, except yourself.”

-Paulo Coelho-

girl painting heart red whole

Don’t seek the approval of others 

Throughout your life, you will find that many people will try to influence what you do and the decisions you make. However, you must stop trying to please everyone around you, because it is impossible. 

Sometimes it is necessary to limit others so they do not influence your feelingsFeeling good about yourself does not require the approval of others, regardless of whether or not they are your family, friends, or your significant other. The only approval you should seek is your own.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone else 

Each person is a unique being. We are all different from one another, and comparing only generates misery. You are unique. You have weaknesses and defects, and qualities and strengths that nobody else possesses. Your culture, your education, your experiences all come together to form singular combination that makes you completely different from everyone else.

Learn to say what you are thinking 

Sometimes we don’t always share what we are thinking because of what we think others will say or how they will react. However, your opinion is valuable and should be expressed. 

When expressing your opinion, always be respectful and speak assertively and in a way that will make others listen while not offending them. Sometimes your ideas will be different, but that doesn’t mean they should not be expressed.

“They made us believe that each one of us is just a half, and life doesn’t have meaning until we find our other half. They didn’t tell us that we were already born whole, and that no one in our life deserves the responsibility of making us complete.” 

-John Lennon- 

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

    • Rusbult, CE, Kumashiro, M., Kubacka, KE, y Finkel, EJ (2009). La similitud ideal y el fenómeno de Miguel Ángel. Revista de personalidad y psicología social , 96(1), 61–82. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0014016

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.