I Do Want a Serious Relationship

· June 27, 2016

We distinguish between serious relationships and relationships that aren’t so serious, but what does it even mean to be in a serious relationship? In reality, it means something different to every person: compromise, honesty, exclusivity, loyalty, etc. But relationships should always be serious. What meaning does a relationship even have if it’s not serious?

New technology appears to bring us closer together, but it actually creates an abyss between us and other people in which we’re not ourselves anymore. Instead, we wear masks and disguises to hide behind, to make ourselves seem better, and to avoid showing other people who we really are.

“Stay in a relationship that brings you solutions, not problems. Security, not fear. Trust, not more doubts.”

-Paulo Coelho-

If I’m in a relationship with someone, I want them to be serious, respectful, and honest. This doesn’t mean that I want to own them, or that I want to be exclusive. It means that if I tell you the truth, I expect you to also tell me the truth; if I respect you, I expect you to also respect me; if I let you have your freedom, I also want to have mine, and you should respect that.

A serious relationship is…

A serious relationship is one that understands frankness, truth, freedom, respect, and sincerity. Relationships are important and unique, no matter what kind of relationship it is. A serious relationship is many things, especially:

A relationship in which you can be yourself

couple on the beach


Whether you’re in a short-term or long-term relationship, you should be yourself and share your mind with your partner. Don’t hide behind pretenses. We tend to dress up for others and to say what we think they want to hear, but where does that leave us?

A relationship you’re committed to

Whether it lasts an hour, a week, or five years, a relationship with another person involves a commitment to respect and honesty towards the other person. And if you’re having sex, you need to have even more respect, because after all, you’re getting naked in front of each other. Is that not serious enough?

A relationship where you respect each other

If you’re going to run away once you’ve seduced the other person, it’s because you’re afraid of yourself, of making a commitment to who you are. But even though this kind of relationship lasts only for a night, respect is still essential. Be clear and up front about what you want. Nobody can complain about anything if you’ve both acted respectfully.

“Building solid and honest relationships involves equal parts love, conviction, and commitment.”

-Walter Riso-

A relationship between brave people

A brave person is someone who has the courage to let you see exactly who they are. Someone who isn’t afraid to feel. If they have feelings for you, they tell you, rather than running away from you out of fear. If they want to see you, they go see you, rather than beating around the bush and trying to seem indifferent. When they kiss you, they do it with their entire heart and soul.

The virtues of a serious relationship

Serious relationships have many virtues. The problem is that we pick out the ones that we want and like, but we can’t value some and ignore others to create the kind of serious relationship that seems good to us. Having a relationship with someone is serious in itself.

Honesty

Even relationships that are all about sex are serious. If I want to sleep with you one night and then disappear, I’ll tell you so that you can make an informed decision, and I won’t tell you a thousand lies to make you feel better just so you’ll agree.

“Emotions are lived, felt, and recognized, but only a few of them can be expressed in words or concepts.”

-Laura Esquivel-

Consistency

If you tell me you love me, don’t disappear two days later, avoid me, stop calling me, stop responding to my messages, or run away. I’m not responsible for your actions. If you tell me you love me and I feel the same way, we should both do whatever it takes to find time for each other.

couple in the kitchen

Freedom

Being free does not mean running away. It means mutually respecting each other’s space, respecting who you both are, who you aren’t, your interests, and your worries. If someone is oppressing you because they don’t respect your freedom, maybe they just don’t respect you.

Because of all that, I do want a serious relationship. Non-serious or “joke” relationships mean nothing to me. I don’t understand when people lack respect, or act cowardly and run away.