I Love My Freedom So I Let Those I Love Be Free

Written and verified by the psychologist Gema Sánchez Cuevas.

Last update: 28 July, 2022

Many times, we cling to someone we love with the hope that they will never stop loving us, that they will never leave our side. We do not realize, however, that it is necessary to give freedom in order to build a healthy and balanced relationship.

The fact that someone does not love us affects our ego, but it is important to learn how to manage our emotions and love ourselves before we love anyone else.

Emotional attachment 

One of the reasons why it is so difficult for us to let someone go is emotional attachment. 

Emotional attachment is a mental and emotional bond that can be obsessive in nature and develops towards certain people. It originates with the irrational belief that that other person, and our relationship with him or her, will provide us pleasure, security, and self-fulfillment.

As a consequence of this false belief, we feel that without the person with whom we have this attachment, we will not be happy. We believe we will not be able to reach our goals or lead a normal life without that certain person.

The first thing we should do in order to overcome and control emotional attachment is to determine whether we are dependent on another person and if we feel any of these symptoms of attachment:

• Need to be close to the person we love.
• Anxiety and discomfort if we are not with that person.
• High level of obsession and controlling behavior towards that person.
• We give priority to that person over the activities we like to enjoy, or other people we like to be around.

If you analyze your situation and see that you have some of these symptoms, you may be in a situation of emotional attachment.

How do you let go of emotional attachment and set yourself free? 

1. Be realistic 

The most powerful tool against attachment is to be realistic. Seeing things as they truly are regarding love, without screens, and without deceptions. Love is always a risk, but it is necessary to see reality.

• If they do not admire you, they do not love you.
• If they do not respect you, they do not love you.
• If you are with someone who doesn’t make you feel good, it is because they do not love you.
• If you are with a person who compromises your values, they do not love you.

Love your freedom, love your solitude. Love being free, and enjoy this freedom. Make peace with yourself. Remain with your solitude, learn from it, test it. Love it, and love yourself.

2. Seek out silence 

Turn off the television, the computer, the smart phone, and enjoy the silence, and the peace of being disconnected. Your brain will relax.

Furthermore, through that silence you will be able to find the right moment to reconnect with yourself.

3. Learn the difference between infatuation and love

Many times we confuse infatuation and love; they are not the same. Infatuation lasts for a limited amount of time. It is attraction, and it invades your body and your mind. It doesn’t let you think clearly, and you are unable to see the defects of the person with whom you are infatuated.

Infatuation has a series of characteristics that are easy to identify:

• Idealization of the other person. You are unable to see the defects of the other and you tend to think of that person as perfect.
• Exclusivity and possession. “I want you to be mine and only mine”.
• Addiction to the other person. You feel extreme attachment and sexual desire towards the other person.
• Idea of permanence. You convince yourself that that feeling is unique, irreplaceable, eternal, and that it is an exception to everything else.
• Obsessive thoughts. You want to control the other person and never stop thinking of them.
• Infatuation, in reality, is an uncontrolled obsession.

However, love is much more complex. It is a set of elements that must always go hand in hand: desire, sex, attraction (Eros); friendship, sharing (Philia); tenderness, and sweetness (Agape).

Let go in order to love 

Sometimes, we should let go of someone we love precisely for that reason: because we love them. 

We should learn to walk away from a relationship in three cases:

• When they do not love you anymore.
• When your ability to be yourself is affected.
• When your principles are made vulnerable.

Don’t try to resist pain. Cry, talk, scream. Don’t bottle up your emotions. Don’t hide them. Live them. There will always be a kind of “mourning period” that you will have to go through. Although it may feel like it will last forever, after a while you will ask yourself why you felt so bad over a person who wasn’t even worth it.

It is necessary to let go of certain people in your life, so that others can then enter it. There is no treatment against the pain of a breakup. It simply must be endured, resisted, and overcome.