The Hysterophile, a Prince Charming, but not so Princely and not so Charming
The hysterophile portrays a person, usually a man, who is deeply attracted to hysterical women. Among many other traits, these women have two that seduce these men. The first is her attractiveness and her seductive appearance. The second is an insecure and vulnerable personality. However, under these external features, there is a whole psychological structure.
The main characteristic of the hysterophile is his chivalrous treatment and his considerate attitude with the hysterics that “seduce him.” He is elegant and embodies a very well defined masculine stereotype. This type of man usually feels deeply transfixed by passive and weak women. This type of woman that allows a hysterophile to “enhance their masculinity.”
The hysterophile is, in general, a seemingly confident and secure man who radiates a certain aura of power. In principle, he doesn’t show weaknesses or cracks in this facade. In fact, he usually is very willing to show off his professional success or sexual conquests. This is a way to reaffirm his worth and look for recognition of this worth from women.
“Sometimes I think that hysteria is nothing but the conspiracy of the unconscious, which attempts to aseptically reproduce the physical state of sexual arousal without pleasure, accompanying it with suffering.”
-Yukio Mishima-
The beginnings of a relationship between a hysterophile and a hysteric
The hysterophile and the hysteric complement each other neurotically. He wants to be a support for her weakness and she is willing to be weak. She feels like a princess who needs to be rescued. He wants to embody the white knight who saves her. Well, at least that’s what happens in the beginning. Over time, this will transform into a changing, unstable and complicated relationship.
Soon, the symptoms of a conflict that is latent in this type of relationship begin to appear. The mask of the hysterophile falls relatively quickly. It is not that he wanted to deceive the woman, or that he has adopted this facade consciously. In truth, he believed that he was and tried to be the white knight for his lady.
However, the confidence that it seemed so stable breaks down quickly. The doubts about himself begin to show. The insecurities. He does not want to be the strong partner in the relationship anymore. He begins to feel that he is fragile and needs the protection of the hysteric. This protection isn’t a suggestion, but a demand, to which the hysteric needs to respond.
The response of the hysteric
The hysterical wants a charming prince. She has not seduced a man who shows signs of weakness and who will renounce his role of protecting and caring for her. Therefore, when the hysterophile begins to break, she does not accept it. She loses her admiration for the quickly fading prince charming, for the white knight now appears to be someone who can’t even hold up the weight of his own armor.
The hysteric soon passes from lack of admiration for the hysterophile to the frank contempt. The man begins to feel ashamed for not being able to embody his partner’s ideal. He doesn’t feel like he’s allowed to be fragile and demand protection. The situation becomes harsh and, in one way or another, both feel frustrated and suffer.
What follows is the most unbearable. The hysteric cooks up blind rage for her partner. She feels cheated. He wants to go back to the women he met initially, weak and needing protection, and to do so he begins to be extremely cruel. He begins to ridicule his partner publicly, displaying her weaknesses. This is a way of putting things back the way they were in a sense, him in a powerful position and her in a weaker one. The hysterophile, meanwhile, learns to assume the role of the “martyr”.
Fantasies and realities
This type of neurotic relationship never has a good ending. What usually happens is that they end up characterized by abuse from both parties. The fantasy of the hysterophile is that of being the ideal man for the woman. He really wants to be, but he can’t because he is a human being who is affected by imperfection, dissatisfaction and need.
On the other hand, the hysterical woman wants to find the ideal man. The hysterophile, at first, embodies this vision. However, when she discovers that he, in short, is not her prince charming, the conflict begins. She is not willing to admit that she has started dating an imperfect man, who is fragile. They are left only with the fantasy that they created between them.
When relationships are based on ideals and fantasies, usually mistreatment becomes a factor in the relationship. This mistreatment is almost always mutual. Because it is mutual, the partners alter who is the victim and who is the victimizer. Both parties feel cheated and both claim that the other person is the source of their suffering. This is an example of how difficult neurotic relationships can be.