End Jealousy in Relationships through Self-Esteem

End Jealousy in Relationships through Self-Esteem

Last update: 04 June, 2016

Have you ever felt jealous? Most likely, you have. Jealousy originates from the fear of losing someone you love. However, this is not to be confused with the fear of loss. With jealousy, there are often three people involved.

If you feel jealousy, then you are the first person involved. The second person is the person you love and are afraid you will lose. The third person on the scene is the person we want out of the life of the person you love. The presence of this third person is usually what incites jealousy.

“Jealousy is the most extreme expression of one’s own insecurity.”

-Nuria Martinez Garcia-

Jealousy destroys a couple, because it originates from distrust. However, it can go beyond that. A person who feels and behaves in a jealous way reveals themselves to be very insecure with who they are.

Today, we are going to get to know the feeling of jealousy in depth, in order to better understand it and turn it into self-esteem.

Is there a reason behind my jealousy? 

The person who is the victim of their partner’s jealousy usually thinks that the jealousy is unfounded and without real motives. So, if there is no apparent reason behind it, how is it possible?

The people who suffer jealous feelings have more valid motives than might be apparent, although that does not necessarily make it more justifiable.

man walking away from woman jealousy

To begin, jealous people usually have very low self-esteem and believe that any other person, real or imaginary, will be better than them.

They are very insecure and feel relieved from this insecurity if they believe they exercise total control over the other person, the person they love. This happens most frequently in cases in which the jealous person has previously been unfaithful. This causes them to feel insecure in their relationship, in case they themselves become the victim of infidelity.

Sometimes, the jealous person is watching for something that in reality does not exist. This exaggeration is caused by the person’s own imagination.

In reality, the jealous person behaves this way because thinking about the possibility of being cheated on or deceived in any way makes them a great amount of anxietyWhen they try to avoid this anxiety, their fear grows, and jealousy is born.

What can be done about this? Thinking about where that insecurity comes from and letting go of the desire to possess the other person are two important steps that must be taken. Only in this way can a person be happy and free from jealousy.

Trust more, and raise your self-esteem

If you want to stop feeling jealousy, or you want to help someone else let go of their own jealousy, the first step that must be taken is to strengthen self-esteem.

Be more secure with yourself and who you are. Think about yourself and work on overcoming your fearsThere is a reason behind every one of your fears. Search to find our where they come from, and put an end to your insecurity.

Consider, for example, why it bothers you so much that other people “check out” your significant other. Why does it offend you, when in reality it should make you feel proud of them?

Other people may look at your partner and take pleasure in it, but that doesn’t change the fact that your loved one is still with you, and only you. It doesn’t change the fact that they are with you by their own personal choice. Why do you think that someone else can take them away from you?

When you begin to trust your partner and feel more secure, you will begin to see everything more calmly and clearly. Don’t you feel more relieved than before, when you were trying to control everything?

Nobody can possess another person. We all need to be free, but that freedom does not imply that the person you love will leave you for someone else.

girl dancing on beach jealousy

Furthermore, if you have been unfaithful at an earlier point in time, and your jealousy comes from the fear that your partner will put you in the same position, try to put yourself in their  place.

You are the one who has made the mistake. Can’t you see that anyone is capable of making a mistake? How can you condemn and judge someone for something that you yourself have done? Approach the situation logically.

It may also occur that jealousy arises when it is your loved one who has committed infidelity in the past. If this has happened, you may lose all trust you have in them.

If you are not able to forgive that infidelity, you should realize that your relationship cannot move forward. Sooner or later, everything will come crashing down.

“How many things do we loose because of the fear of loss?”

-Paulo Coelho-

Are you a jealous person? If you are, and you want to resolve it, search for the reason behind that jealousy. If you cannot resolve it, maybe the real problem is that you are not with the right person.

If jealousy torments you, the relationship you are in will never be a healthy relationship. Think about yourself and the security you long to feel. Help yourself to raise your self-esteem and your ability to trust.

Sometimes, the real cause of your jealousy only exists in your own imagination…

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.