Agamy: A New Way of Living Relationships

· September 14, 2018

New types of relationships are currently flooding the social sphere. Polyamory, open relationships, and relationship anarchy are only some of the most innovative concepts. In this regard, a new term that gives us a lot to think about and that overtakes the types we just mentioned just emerged. The term is “agamy”.

This concept was coined in the year 2014. It abandons the idea of gamos (union, marriage) and focuses on a new social and relationship model. Those who enjoy this idea advocate for something that goes beyond free love, without an exclusive and castrating feeling of need.

Agamy basically defends the non-establishment of relationship models. It states that the model of love that reigns in our society is an ideological subsystem that serves patriarchal interests. This means that the system imposed this feeling on us as a form of alienation in order to keep us under control. It’s expected for all of us to want the same thing. The system wants us to think that certain definitions are logical, even if they enslave us and make us unhappy.

Heart with arrows representing agamy.

A lot of the people who practice agamy do so out of disenchantment. Some of them get out of relationships due to certain levels of toxicity they can’t deal with. Jealousy, possession, abuse, and a suffocating dependency are often dangerous signs that imply that the relationship isn’t based on real love.


On the other hand, there are people who simply enjoy being completely autonomous and free. It’s true that some individuals love to experience sexuality the way they please. Critics state that this puts the continuity of traditional love in danger. Analyzing the basic principles of agamy can help us better understand this social model.

Replacing sexuality with erotism

Agamy doesn’t consider sex something sacred that’s exclusive for relationships (whether monogamous or polyamorous). It’s something natural and healthy that every single human should experience. However, it should exalt itself as a form of freedom and self-love.

Agamy replaces sexuality with erotism since it condones the creation of new types of nonspecific relationships that transcend heterosexuality. However, it’s important to note that we should never do something we don’t want to do, let alone do it as an obligation.

Renouncing love and the oppression it brings with it

From this perspective, romantic love and its idealization are an illusion. Jealousy, possessiveness, and obsession have no place in rational human beings. These negative feelings jeopardize and diminish our well-being. Agamy agrees on detaching from the feeling of exclusivity in exchange for a harmonious sociability. 

Having said this, we must never link oppression to the concept of love. The reason for this is that our wisdom and natural impulses prevail over siren calls and their corresponding drama.

Two girls and two boys on the floor.

Alternatives to a traditional family

This model proposes a redefinition of the idea of family. Agamy considers family a confirmation of a group of individuals with consensual erotic relationships, company, and a confluence of interests. It’s also important to point out that, from the point of view of this model, parenting is more than just having a child. Love, respect, and care should be the only things one should judge when evaluating someone’s parenting abilities.

The followers of this philosophy stray away from social conventionalities. Instead, they decide to form a family according to their needs. 

It’s not polyamory

Polyamory defends the idea of having two or more partners or relationships. Agamy doesn’t agree with the concept of ‘partner’ because it considers it empty and unrealistic. This doesn’t have anything to do with polyamory, casual sex, or sporadic relationships. In fact, it’s more complicated than that.

Our relationships with the people we know start to become decisive as time goes on. This philosophy allows us to establish any kind of bond with the people around us without needing to label or define those bonds. 

Agamy is more than just an ideology or a way of life. In fact, it shows us a recurrent subject: the way of living relationships. In this regard, any type of contact with others implies the establishment of a relationship. Denying this won’t make it go away. However, we should also respect how others define themselves and bond with other people.