Letter to the One Who Watches over Me

· April 14, 2016

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the need to share with the world, with life, that I miss you more and more each day, stronger and stronger each time. Moments where I’d love if your soul were next to mine the way it used to be. Smiling, sharing a love that we all deserve to have, but very few have felt.

There’s no need to tell you that I know you’re watching me from above, with your wings open towards heaven. A heaven where the stars and the ocean meet. A heaven where the purest things are the most common, where you shine with all your splendor. I know that you’re watching me from above, and I know that you miss me, too.

“When all the planets extinguish in the sky, when all of the birds are paralyzed in flight, tired of waiting for you, on that distant day I will still be waiting for you.”

-Jose Ángel Buesa-

My feelings for you are forever

I know everything that you felt for me, because I feel it too, in my heart. It is released through every pore of my skin in the form of eternal love. From there, up above. From there where you rest, from where all of us human beings who are still living and learning down here, you give the gift of eternity.

Up there where, they say, everything is better. Where peace reigns and where lights are brighter with every step you take. Steps that you take to make me feel safe, that show that you miss me, that you want me to be okay.

Firm steps that support me, that keep me moving forward. It doesn’t matter what happens to me in my life. It doesn’t matter which obstacles rise up in my path. You will always be there to guide me.


I know that you don’t want me to become paralyzed over having lost you, and I’ve been aware of that since the moment I lost you. The moment in which you spread your precious wings, those wings full of light, full of love for life and for me. The wings that let us be together, secure, loved, and understood.

wings

I remember you every day

Everybody tells me to move on. To not look back, like you said, so I can get a running start and achieve everything I want. But it’s been difficult. Every step costs me because you’re not here, and I can’t help but want to sleep and dream that you’re by my side again. A dream that I know you also feel, but you know to wait for because you understand.

You always understood life, in all its essence and beauty. Who better than you to help me learn how to feel alive. Your song, your eyes, your soul, and above all, your heart. Your absence has made me live through a different reality in which I can’t touch you, and you never will be able to again…

You know what? You continue to be the first soul I think about when something amazing happens to me, when I want to share or talk, or when I need help. And it’s true that now I can only do that in my dreams, when I put my hands on my chest and feel the beating of my heart.

I lost out on time, too much time, to continue enjoying life with you. And you have no idea how much I regret not having been better for you. I know that I did things well, or as well as I could in the moment. But it wasn’t and never will be enough.

I confess that it’s been strange to be here and live through everything without you by my side. It’s been strange to go to your room and not see you, feel you, or enjoy your smile upon seeing me. It’s like living through a situation that is totally foreign to my heart, and I don’t understand why.

leaves

You are my angel, my example

Even so, don’t worry, because I know very well that you’re still there, at my side, watching over me and accompanying me with each step I take, like you always did. And because of that, you are and will always be my eternal angel. The guardian angel that everyone has to accompany them through life.

A splendid and unique being that, despite not being here with me physically, and despite not being able to see you or hear you, smell you or feel you, still forces your way into my soul with your memory and essence, whether I’m able to be strong or not.

From the Earth, where I take each step with strength, I dedicate all of my achievements to you. Every incredible moment is for you and you alone. Of course I share them all with the people I love, the ones who are still here. But you have the power to make me a better person, to make my heart shine brighter.

That’s why I give a million thanks to you for always being yourself, eternally. Because I continuously try to follow your example and become someone as good and kind as you were and are.

Thank you for being the angel who enlightens all of us who continue to look towards the sky, for making us feel so alive and helping us be who we are. Because I will never ever stop looking up towards the stars and the sky, where you are.

“I believe that if we all looked towards the sky, we would end up having wings.”

-Gustave Flaubert-