While I Expected Something that Never Came, Something Came that I Never Expected

While I Expected Something that Never Came, Something Came that I Never Expected
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 15 November, 2021

While I expected something my life to turn out a certain way, life ended up surprising me with something different, with something I had never imagined before. 

How many times has something like this happened to us? We go through most of our lives planning for something that we hope to achieve, sometimes hoping for unattainable things, when suddenly, everyday life casually, harmoniously emerges with something that fills us with happiness.

We often think that life is saying “NO” to something, when in reality, it’s just asking us to wait, wait just a little bit longer…

If you think about it, it takes a lot of effort to have to wait for the time when finally, life changes direction and wraps us with luck, encouragement, warmth, and hope.

Maybe it finally brings you that professional dream that you’ve invested so much in, or maybe that person finally arrives who fits into your corners and completes your puzzle of happiness. There are many things that we dream about, things that we’re patient for but start to lose hope for.

However, keep something in mind: not everything that you want life to bring you will turn out to be good in the end, so understand that the waiting itself was also worth it, because that’s life lived. And that is always important.

I expected so much that I got tired of wanting it

sitting on the moon

Sometimes we expect so much from people that we only end up disappointed. Maybe that’s why people say that in order to avoid sufferingit’s better to not expect anything from anyone, and expect everything from ourselves.

However, we should also make one thing clear: we also have the right to expect the best out of the people that we love. Simply because we believe in reciprocity, in the idea that if I give you affection and dedication, I have the right to receive the same.

Waiting for people to act according to our expectations reflects a need for minimal control in our daily lives and in our social and emotional relationships. Knowing how people will treat us, or knowing that our loved ones love us, respect us, and worry about us, takes away the uncertainty that would be so difficult to live with if we didn’t have those roots, that emotional security.

Maybe that’s why we’re frequently disappointed, especially when it’s a disappointment we didn’t expect: a lie, coldness, disregard, or distance.

Sometimes we expect things that will never arrive. It’s common, for example, to fall in love with someone only to realize that they weren’t really the person we thought they were.

Dreams fade away. However, later on, the magic of chance will arrive and bring us to someone else, someone who we never expected, who can give us the gift of full and true happiness.

hot air balloon

Having no expectations gives you freedom

Having no expectations gives you freedom, no doubt about it. However, that doesn’t mean that we don’t have the right to make plans or expect the reciprocity that we talked about before. Those are positive, necessary, and recommendable aspects of expectations.

If we have no expectations, we can set ourselves free, stop holding onto something that could never be, and fly higher to touch the stars and let life us surprise us one more time.

We know that it’s not easy to have an attitude of no expectations. To do that, and to understand that perspective a little better, reflect on the following: There where times when I expected so much from certain people that I ended up frustrated, wanting to distance myself from everything and everyone.

We’re sure that this sentence is familiar to you. Most of us have gone through this situation, and from there, it was necessary to remind ourselves that it’s not worth it to treat the world, let alone yourself, in this way. Don’t suffer more than you should.

When you stop expecting, you’ll have more freedom in your daily life, which will calm you down. You’ll let things arise naturally, as they should.

It will always be much better to not establish high expectations. Let things arise themselves, let the people around you show you who they are without you expecting anything from them. Only then will you discover who deserves you and who doesn’t.

Let your relationships enjoy more trust and freedom from now on. When you stop expecting things, they come by themselves, and you won’t waste so much negative energy (worries, anxiety). The people who love you will look for you, and you won’t have to wait.

When I didn’t expect anything from you anymore, I realized that my hands weren’t as empty as I thought they were, and that letting you go let me grow and be myself again.


Images courtesy of Cintya Thornson

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.