Be Careful Who You Trust

When you have a desire or a dream, be careful who you trust. Be careful who you share your yearnings with, because there are lots of people out there who want to put a dampener on your dreams, those who want to get one up on you and, of course, people who will judge you later for what you have achieved.

One thing we all know is that it is not always easy to identify people who are trustworthy. Moreover, what we often do is to open up all our ideas and present them in their entirety to the people around us. We might open up before our parents or siblings and discuss with them our desire to achieve such and such a thing, to undertake such and such a journey, to take a risk with a relationship …

And yet in no time at all the sneer of skepticism rears its ugly head, the sarcastic look and the words that take the joy out of our dreams. “Get that idea out of your head, it’s ridiculous,” “I’m telling you this because I love you, but what you are thinking about is well beyond your possibilities, be objective and forget that idea “….

These and other words are what we frequently have to deal with. There are also those who say nothing and make us believe that they are supporting us, that we can count on their help, their approval and their friendship. However, at the most unexpected moment, they betray or disappoint us.

Why do we do it? Why do we sometimes put our foot in it and share our desires and longings with the wrong people? …

It’s not your fault: the human being is programmed to trust others

We’ve all heard about the classic situation of the person who wants a promotion at work and talks to a colleague about it at coffee time. By lunch time, the whole department knows about his plans. Should this employee have been more prudent? Should he have been a bit more careful and anticipated that the colleague wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut?
The answer is both “no” and “yes”. It is “no” because, according to neurobiology, we are all programmed to trust our fellow human beings. This is what is explained in a study published in the journal Neuroscience where they show that trust is fundamental to our social life, because otherwise, if we were afraid of being betrayed the whole time then this would be too stressful and traumatic for us.

On the other hand, “yes”, sometimes we do lack caution or to put it another way, we are not too good at applying the three rules that define the dynamics of trust or seeking out a good confidant. Here’s how to apply them:

To trust or not to trust, that is the question

When in doubt, exercise caution. However, what usually happens to us is that the excitement of the new project makes us open ourselves up too much, to the point of sharing the wrong information with the wrong people.
It is advisable to be cautious and apply these simple principles:

• Reliability is undoubtedly the cornerstone. Entrust your wishes and dreams with those who have shown you on other occasions that you can trust them, people that don’t judge you and that always accept you for who you are.
• A real emotional connection. This second dimension always compels us to trust those people who we have a real and lasting emotional relationship with, be they friends, family, our partner …
• The last principle has to do with emotional and cognitive empathy. It is not enough to simply transmit our hopes, dreams and happiness. We also want them to understand what we think, and to be able to understand our perspective.

Of course, sometimes even when we apply these three principles, the person can “fail” us. It may even be our lifelong friend who betrays us, or a relative who reacts in a way that we never expected at the start… Knowing how to act in these situations will really help us.

Careful who you trust, people fail will fail you

People can fail us, but sometimes we fail them. We are all capable of transmitting, if we try really hard, the sensation of being both perfect and fallible at the same time. Therefore, over time we develop a certain prudence, good practices based on discretion and a limited but wise proximity to the people who are most special to us. Those who have been with us every step of the way: both through the storms and on the calm days.

The wisdom to understand who we should and shouldn’t share certain things with comes with time and experience. Little by little, we will understand that there are people who are experts in cutting the wings off others, and also those who are skilled at ruining people’s dreams just so that no-one will be more important than them. For these people it’s a sacrilege if we dare to be freer, more competent and happier.

Time will also teach us that it is better to be discreet, to be careful with our words and to fight for our dreams with determination and silence. At the same time ignoring both the approval of others, and the possible criticisms or comments that at any given time could be an obstacle on our path.

Let us therefore learn to choose well who we confide in, without forgetting that it is our own self-confidence that brings us closer to the highest goals and most courageous goals.