Don’t Let Others Project Their Negativity on You
Who has never received any criticism? All of us have at some point been victims of people who felt envious of our job, who were angry about how we were acting or how we are, who simply felt bad and needed to project their negativity on someone else. Maybe you, too, have been in this position at some point.
“Not even your worst enemies can hurt you as much as your own thoughts.”
Criticism can do us a lot of harm. Depending on the day and how strong our self-esteem is at that time, we can ignore it or let it hurt and affect us. Yes, you are the one responsible for how all of that negativity that they projected on you affects you. Because you cannot control how others will act, but you can control how much you let it affect you.
He who criticizes you defines himself
We are not all the same. Maybe your best friend is not affected by what others say to him, but you are. To change this, it is important for you to start seeing the situation from the right perspective. Why would someone criticize you with the aim of hurting you? Maybe that person is criticizing what defines them.
We often project our insecurities and fears onto others. Needs that we shoot like poisoned darts at others because they aren’t fulfilled or being solved. In this way, we try to feel better about ourselves. We do not realize that instead of solving the problem, we are running away from it.
Each time someone projects all of his negativity onto you, think about the fact that this is a defense mechanism. That person is trying to defend himself from all those impulses, actions, and thoughts that he does not want to recognize as his own. His inner negativity leads him to project them onto you so that he does not have to assume responsibility for his problems, accept and solve them.
“I’m on a diet from bad thoughts, destructive people, and things that are not good for me.”
Let us look at a common example. Think about romantic relationships, where one of the members accuses the other person of being unfaithful, without really having signs to suspect that this is the case. For this situation, there can be many explanations.
What is happening in this situation, concretely, is that the person making accusations has had those unfaithful thoughts, but they do not accept them because they consider them negative. In their need to feel better, they project their insecurity on their partner: they send them them their fear of thoughts that they do not know how to manage.
But what is important here is how you will actually act. Will you let all of that negativity that they are projecting on you win out? If you keep that person at your side who is spitting harmful words at you, if instead of refusing to do something that you do not want to, you do it because if not, they are going to see you in a negative way or criticize you, maybe you want to feel good?
Learn to counteract negativity
Sometimes it is difficult to remain calm in the face of a person who is not behaving the right way towards you. However, it is necessary for you to make an effort, because this will be your best weapon to avoid letting the fears and insecurities of the other person affect you. In this way, you will also be able to better analyze the reasons that may lead them to act that way. In the best case scenario, you can even get something positive out of it.
Do you know what the best way is not to worry too much about this kind of situation? Laughing may seem silly to you, but it will be an essential tool. A smile at a difficult time can help us, whether we believe it or not. Start putting this into practice today and you will find out that every critique or judgment will have much less emotional impact.
In the same way, do not forget that a criticism is just an opinion. As such, it should not affect you in a significant way, since not everyone can have the same view about a circumstance or an action. Furthermore, how many times has someone criticized you without really knowing you?
It is also very important for you to pay attention to how the person behaves who is criticizing you. Normally people who project their needs or thoughts on others are very emotional. Their words are overflowing with emotions that lead everything to look much more serious than it really is.
“The best thing about criticism is not that it responds to the desire to harm, but to the freedom of judgment.”
-Fernando Sánchez Dragó-
When this is the case, you are dealing with a person whose words are not aimed at you, but at themselves. Their fears and insecurities are being projected on you, but you do not have any problem, you are not doing anything wrong. They are the one who is afraid to accept what they do not consider to be right, but that is obsessing their thoughts.
Throughout your life, you are going to run into a lot of people who fit this description. Many of them will be toxic people who can fill your life not only with negativity, but also with hurtful, harmful emotions and feelings that go against you. The best way not to allow this is to remain calm and to trust in yourself. What they say is not always true, but sometimes it is the fruit of fear and discomfort with themselves.