Sometimes, the Best People Come Without You Even Looking

October 24, 2017

Sometimes, the best people appear out of nowhere and without us even looking. They come to plant flowers in the garden of our sad days, they’re there to be the echo of our laughs, the magnet for our confiding, for our affections and our passions. They’re that lighthouse that never goes out, without any contradictions, pressures, or ulterior motives…

Neuropsychologists often remind us that our brain is programmed to carry out pro-social conduct. Actions like altruism, helping our fellow humans, or the act of providing support are realities that we consider genetically significant and important because, in the end, they guarantee the survival of our species.

But, and here comes probably the biggest dissonance or irony of humanity, sometimes we act like true predators over our own fellow humans. We’re not just referring to those extreme behaviors that head the front pages of the daily news, we’re mostly talking about the very common actions we’ve all experienced at some point and which produces that classic: “I want you to be happy, but not more than me.” 

Sometimes altruism has hidden motives, we’re well aware of that. Other times people fail us. We know that, too. Maybe it’s because time changes us or because our masks fall bit by bit and we discover that behind this armor that fascinated us so much to begin with, there’s nothing but a being full of emptiness, of various limitations and bottomless egotism.

Despite it all, among our rich and complex social fauna there are people who aren’t just worth the trouble, they’re worth the happiness. Finding them is an art forever based on chance, but it also includes a few aspects that it’s worth addressing…

The Best People Are There, You Just Have to Know how to Spot Them

What are the traits of these men and women who can improve our lives? What, in essence, are good people like? Well, we know it’s common in our daily life to turn to that statement that “my coworker is a bad person,” or “my sister is a really good person.” These kinds of extremely reductive definitions aren’t always adequate, because human nature is much more complex than those very absolute terms.

The majority of us are on a spectrum, where sometimes we’re able to act in a more or less correct way. Somewhere we can be quickly be judged as “bad people” just because we don’t act like people want us or expect us to. But, keep in mind, there are a series of key factors or dimensions that can define those noblest profiles, and which ultimately do represent that ideal of goodness we all have in mind.

To be good means, above all else, a lack of egocentrism. It means an identification with our fellow humans, feeling compassion, acting disinterestedly, and having that empathy which provides shelter, sensible support, and true closeness. So, the good person is also able to look beyond the surface, beyond simple appearances.


On the other hand, and no less important, there’s a factor we can’t neglect: these magical people will only come into our lives if we’re receptive. They’ll do it if we’re able to spot them, to appreciate their influence, their art, their natural aptitude for connection. Experts in social conduct have revealed to us that we’ve gotten to a point where we pay more attention to the bad qualities than the good ones.

That negative slant is sometimes brought about by our own discomfort, our own frustrationor even the memory of our failed or disappointing relationships. We become suspicious, and when suspicion floats on our gaze and nests in our heart, it will be very hard to make out the warm light of these presences that are truly worth including in our lives.

Tricks for Identifying the People Who are Worth the Effort (and the Happiness)

All of us, in our daily lives, do quick readings of the people around us. The doctor, Rick Hanson, a well-known neuropsychologist and veteran researcher of “the science of happiness” explains how in order to be able to connect more deeply with our fellow humans, and in that way perceive the innate nobility a lot of people hide inside of them, we have to pause, slow down our rhythm, and be able to read the positive intentions and true empathy the most special people have.

“The better and nobler a person is, the more effort it takes them to see badness in others.”

Moving forward, we’ll give you some simple keys that will help you with this reading:

  • Non-verbal language: we often recognize empathy from that face and those eyes that don’t just look, but also observe, pay attention, and know how to connect by making us feel comfortable, secure, and valued.
  • The second aspect is definitely your own intuition. Our internal voice is what should always guide us down this path of discovery. It’s what contains the essence of our personality, the knowledge of our past experiences, and that sixth sense which invites us to connect with certain people while avoiding others. Don’t be afraid to listen to that internal voice.
  • Emotional energy. This dimension is as strange as it is intense, but even so, it’s necessary to identify it within us and analyze it. There are people who produce a specific kind of emotional burden inside us through their tone of voice, their gaze, their smiles, in the way it communicates itself to us…

This sensation or emotional energy that some people produce inside us is something we should pay attention to and decode (do they make me feel comfortable? do they offer me peace and harmony? can I really trust them?…) Occasionally, that connection is immediate. Other times, it has a different rhythm, slower, more deliberate but equally intense. It’s like an interesting treasure we’re discovering every day, and which we generally tend to find in introverted personalities.

Anyway, these special people who make our lives more beautiful, interesting, and special are gifts we all deserve, an which, above all, we’re obligated to care for. So let’s do it, let’s always give the best version of ourselves to these special people that light up our daily lives.