I Like People Who Come On Time, Not When They Have Time

I Like People Who Come On Time, Not When They Have Time
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 28 July, 2022

Time carries us through our youth and our unfinished dreamsand it gives order to our days. We use time to schedule our obligations and value our priorities.

We know that it’s not always possible to distribute time the way we want to, like dedicating more time to our children and less time to work, for example. However, setting aside our work duties, we can talk about the time that we have to devote to the people who mean a lot to us, which is quite relative.

For something that’s important to you, time does not exist. The noble heart can prioritize things according to their essence, their natural goodness.

There are many parents who neglect their children when they need them. There are many friends who feel the empty spaces of people who they once considered soulmates, but who stopped arriving on time when they needed them.

In reality, it’s not just about being punctual. It’s about offering reciprocity and knowing that there are times in which we are really needed. And moreover, it’s not enough to just be there; you have to be truly present, with warmth and openness. Not just out of mere obligation.

Sometimes, a lack of time is a lack of interest

flowers and canoe

People have daily obligations, and we all have to recognize that it’s not always possible to drop everything to be with someone. It’s necessary to understand that. However, there are times when you can judge pretty well whether people really didn’t have the time, or if it was a lack of interest.

Friendships end for two reasons: when self-interest consumes one person, or when making an appearance becomes a quick stop that suggests a lack of interest.

We’re sure that you’ve experienced this yourself. However, we have to keep in mind that even we might stop investing time and showing interest in people who we ended up realizing weren’t that significant to us, that they don’t contribute anything positive to us. There are three principles that constitute positive relationships where time acquires true meaning.

The principle of reciprocity

I invest time in the people who are a part of my core, in the people who enrich my identity and offer me excitement and positive learning that favors my personal growth.

Reciprocity is based on knowing how to respond to people who treat you well, and the obligation to give as much as you take. Reciprocity is also based on recognition. I recognize my family as an important pillar of my life, and I dedicate time to them because they deserve it and because I love them.

With reciprocity, there is no selfishness, but rather feelings that are given freely because they form a part of us. It’s an inner strength that not only makes us arrive on time, but it also helps us to sense when we’re needed.

The principle of authenticity

What I offer is authentic. Nobody coerces me or manipulates me to stop what I’m doing so I can be by their side. I do it because the invisible thread that unites me to other people is like an artery that pushes and guides me.

Authentic people live consciously and know really well what they want and who should form a part of their lives. The good thing about surrounding ourselves with authentic people is that we’ll always know that what they say and do is true, because for them, deceit and selfishness don’t exist. They know who they are and what they want in life. Authenticity is a value that builds positive relationships.

two girls with basket

The principle of freedom

No relationship, whether it’s emotional, familial, or a friendship, can be sustained by coercion. If we choose to invest our time in someone it’s because we do it with complete freedom, because we really wanted it, because that’s how we felt.

A friendship is something that lets you be yourself all the time. A good parent is one who gives their child the freedom to choose their own path when they’re ready.

Everything that you do not do out of your own free will is not authentic. When someone calls us because they need us and we sense a bit of coercion or implicit blackmail, we’ll never be on their side willingly. We’ll never feel truly close to someone who tries to control us.

You’re free to choose where you invest your time. It’s something that you should judge with your heart, but you should never feel remorse for not dedicating your time to them if they don’t deserve it. You should live your life fully, and not with suffering or blackmail.

We always arrive on time when we truly love that person, and when we truly need them. And we do it because when someone is important to us, we can sense that they need us by their side before they even express it.

Sincere affection does not need words, and there is no distance too long to bring together two hearts that always beat to the same rhythm.

skull flag

Images courtesy of Pascal Campion y Christian Schloe

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.