When Selfishness Is A Good Thing

When Selfishness Is A Good Thing
Gema Sánchez Cuevas

Written and verified by the psychologist Gema Sánchez Cuevas.

Last update: 28 July, 2022

What’s holding you back? What’s keeping you from getting higher and flying? A relationship that doesn’t work, a job you don’t like, a friend is toxic for your. Imagine that you’re flying in a hot air balloon and you start to throw weight over, start to get rid of everything holding you back. Remember, you only have one life to fly.

If someone cuts your wings off and doesn’t let you live the life you want, what are you waiting for to let them go? If you have a job that doesn’t make you happy, even though it’s hard, why don’t you start looking for a job that excites you? You are the architect of your own life. You create it and mold it. You’re in control.

“You only win your freedom if you recapture it every day.”

head in fishbowl

Selfishness is sometimes necessary and therapeutic

People tend to think that selfishness is a bad thing, because it’s a associated with bad people, with someone who only looks after their own interests and only thinks about themselves without caring for others. But there are actually three types of selfishness:

Egocentric selfishness

This is the selfishness of the type of person who only talks about themselves, doesn’t let you talk, that only acts if it’s in their own best interest. People who practice egocentric selfishness only have eyes for themselves and every time they talk, it’s only to refer to themselves.

Conscious selfishness

This is the healthy type of selfishness that emerges when we feel the need to say no to others. It turns into something natural because it connects us with our essence, with what we really want, not what others want for us.

Altruistic selfishness

This type of selfishness occurs when we develop the ability to use our own interest to serve common good of society. In other words, we make the world a better place and that makes us feel good. We do something we enjoy doing and in addition, our people are benefited by it. It’s not about charity or obligations. We simply do something that’s good because it makes us feel happy.

Therefore, think about yourself, what you desire, what you like. Look for people that share your concerns. You’ll feel how the fact that you found people that understand and look for the same things as you will fill you with satisfaction.

Learn to say no when it’s necessary. Sometimes we don’t have the guts to say no when something is asked of us and we then find ourselves doing things that we don’t want to do, or even living a life that we don’t desire. Be happy doing things that make you happy, and if you have to say no, say it. Get rid of everything that stands as a boundary to your dreams.

“Nothing and nobody can make you happy. Only you can make yourself happy.”
-Gerardo Schmedling-

heart made of birds flying

Sometimes we hold on to memories that harm us and keep us from seeing and enjoying the here and now. Let them go, let them abandon you and leave. Say “enough!” once and for all. Start by forgiving in order to move forward. You’ll feel lighter for it. Your luggage of negative emotions will lose some weight.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.