How to Eliminate the Damaging Feelings of Resentment

Many people live with feelings of resentment. However, it causes unhappiness and suffering and for this reason you should make sure you eliminate it from your life.
How to Eliminate the Damaging Feelings of Resentment

Last update: 25 January, 2022

Resentment is a negative emotion that usually appears when you feel that someone has behaved badly toward you and hurt you. However, feeling resentment doesn’t fix the problem. On the contrary, it causes you unhappiness and suffering.

Feelings of resentment appear as protection against your suffering. In fact, by turning sadness into resentment you feel stronger. You often do this unconsciously.

“Resentment is like taking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

-Nelson Mandela-

You don’t necessarily have to forgive in order to eliminate your feelings of resentment. As a matter of fact, there are some situations that are too serious for forgiveness to even be recommended. Nevertheless, you should still try to remove your feelings of resentment in order to maintain your own inner calm and resolve things within you in a healthy way.

Strong feelings of resentment might lead you to want revenge. However, this only makes you feel even worse. Indeed, when you feel resentment, it means your feelings are at stake.

Although taking revenge can give you momentary feelings of well-being, it’ll always end up making you feel even more hurt. That’s because there’s a clash of contradictions. For instance, resentment produces a desire for revenge. However, ultimately, you end up feeling guilt and regret for your vengeful actions.

What do you gain by being resentful?

Ask yourself this question every time you feel resentment. What do you gain from it? Who benefits? While it’s difficult to change your feelings completely, you can certainly try and dissipate them.

Couple looking at each other with resentment

There’s nothing positive to be achieved by feeling resentful. Furthermore, the person who hurt you is probably perfectly happy and not feeling at all guilty about the pain they caused you. However, you’re hurting. For this reason, it simply isn’t rational to feel resentful because all it does is cause you pain.

In short, resentment makes you keep evil on your mind, to the point that you may even become obsessed by it. Feeling and thinking in this way means it’s extremely difficult for you to be happy and productive.

Some positive phrases to end your feelings of resentment

The way you think is of extreme importance if you want to return to feelings of inner peace. For instance, if you don’t stop thinking about what happened, keep asking yourself unanswerable questions, endlessly investigate the whys and wherefores, the unfairness, and the mistakes you made, you’ll never stop feeling resentful.

In fact, you must start to think in a way that allows you to ‘let go’ of the past. Indeed, you must cut that rope that keeps you tied to yesterday and move forward. Here are a few phrases to practice saying to yourself. They’ll help you leave everything behind you without any bitterness.

  • It’s just a part of life. It happened and there’s nothing that can be done about it now. However, I’ve learned from it all, and the important thing is my life right now and my plans for the future”.
  • “ I’m letting go of any guilt and resentment. I’m focusing my mind on the present because going backward is detrimental to me”.
  • I love myself and I completely accept everything that’s happened. I’ve learned some life lessons and I’m now going to move forward in peace”.

Four tips to eliminate your feelings of resentment

Man throwing lightning with spite

1. Vent your feelings

Take a day to get it all out. For instance, you might want to talk about it with someone you trust or write it down. Say or write everything you think and feel, from the very depths of your being.

2. Don’t go backward

Once you’ve had your day of letting it all out, make sure you don’t go backward. Because recreating pain stagnates you. The purpose of getting it all out was to let off steam and get all your feelings out. However, now it’s done, you must leave it all behind and forget it.

3. Acceptance and learning

Accepting what happened means that you let go of those feelings of resentment, hatred, or any other related emotions. It means accepting that things can’t be changed. You must put all the negativity to one side and simply focus on the learning that the situation gave you.

4. Continue living with inner peace

You can adopt new habits that offer you inner peace. For example, relaxing, enjoying quiet time to do what you like, exercising, etc. Above all, you can move forward with your projects, hobbies, and desires. Make sure you always stay active.

Remember that what you feel inside doesn’t depend on the outside. It’s up to you to manage your emotions. Never let what happens to you harm your inner well-being. Become aware of what you choose to focus on in your daily routine. It’s all up to you.

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