I Don't Need a Partner to Shine My Own Light

10 June, 2017

Although many people think the opposite, you don’t have to have a partner to shine your own light. You came into the world with a star already inside you, the same star that guides you through the dark nights. And when the opportunity arises and it feels so inclined, it chooses to dance with another star that shines just as brightly.

Plato wisely said that “at the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” Suddenly, we find strength when we thought it was lost, and the world shines even brighter. This emotional ecstasy deserves to experienced. However, passion isn’t the only state that humans can experience. It’s also possible to shine in solitude, in that state of calm and personal satisfaction where nothing is in excess and nothing is lacking. 

“There are two ways to spread happiness; either be the light who shines it or be the mirror who reflects it.”

-Edith Wharton-

A partner can bring you vitality, happiness, sex, tenderness, and intimacy. However, it’s important to understand that you can’t use your partner as a magic potion to fix your dissatisfaction with life. If you don’t shine from within, you can’t just snatch the other person’s light away, hoping that their energy will be enough for the two of you. It will last for a limited time, but it will slowly fade away.

These days, most of us are stuck in preconceived notions about ideal love. We think that we need it to make our frustrations disappear. However, frustrations can’t disappear, be destroyed, or escape through the holes of our broken dreams. Rather, you have to overcome them yourself.

butterfly flying towards light bulb

Shine with your own light

Moths are sad yet fascinating creatures. They exhibit positive phototaxis, or in other words, they feel attracted to light. The moon, for example, guides and orients them during their nocturnal migration and mating rituals. But due to all the artificial light pollution, their numbers are decreasing. Similarly, in their absolute attraction to light, it’s common to see them die as they fly around the light bulbs in our houses.

Great are those who don’t need to put out someone else’s light in order to shine. 

A similar thing happens with romantic relationships. Some people have their own light; they’re almost like light bulbs in the midst of darkness. They shine because they enjoy personal fulfillment, a good self-esteem, and a fascinating magical quality that is hypnotic to many people. It’s common for others to feel captivated by them, and so they initiate relationships with them hoping that their calm and light will alleviate their fear, dissatisfaction, and silent gloom.

It’s clear, however, that there are many different types of relationships. There are those who pair up to fulfill their desires, others who do it to enjoy intimacy, and others who are looking for an authentic bond that they can use to build a future. There’s no perfect model for a relationship, but there are relationships that enrich us and others that take away from us. Some people seek only to take away our light and use it to their own advantage, to ease their sadness or insecurity, causing our strengths to disappear one by one.

Major Obstacles at the Beginning of a Relationship

face covered by hair

Your inner light will shine when you’re ready

Like we’ve said, a partner can make you happy, but they can’t bring you true happiness. This depends only on you. In fact, it’s common to see people who are married or in long-term relationships who say that they love their partners, but they’re still unhappy. They feel an emptiness, an uneasiness, a sort of inexplicable frustration.

“Choose to be everything you can be. Choose to shine.”

We should start to accept that happiness, in the sense of absolute ecstasy, does not exist. If it does, it’s very brief, as ephemeral as a summer dream. However, that’s no reason to feel subdued or regretful. Like we said at the beginning, we’re all born with a star inside of us. It’s there, even if you can’t see it. You just have to know how to light it up so that it can illuminate and guide you.

However, the light can only turn on when it has enough energy. Our light is fed by our inner strengths, which we sometimes neglect to take care of. These include self-esteem, security in oneself, self-efficacy, emotional independence, a good self-concept, etc. Shining with your own light also requires enjoying a good sense of humor, being grateful, being creative, and not letting the shadow of fear haunt you like a dark storm cloud that dares to block out the sun on a spring day.

spirit of a wolf

You don’t need other people to give you their light. Don’t demand it, don’t put theirs out, and don’t take away their light in exchange for your love. We’re all capable of shining by ourselves, with our own stars. That’s the only way we can create more beautiful skies, places where true love reigns and begins with you. That way, you can shine to the fullest extent and in the most authentic way when you surrender yourself to your loved one.

I Loved You Until My Self-Love Said, “It’s Not Worth It”