3 Ways to Stop Blaming Yourself
Let each carry their own guilt and there will be no guilty ones.Thomas Harris, the creator of the frightening character Hannibal Lecter, had some words of wisdom for us. He said that “blaming your nature for your mistakes doesn’t change the nature of your mistakes.” It makes you think about the use of guilt. It also encourages you to think about how important it is to stop blaming yourself for everything.
Being a perfectionist can be good, but you have to find the middle ground. Otherwise, blame can make perfection into punishment. Most of the time, you will be able to find something to improve. As a result, you will have a hard time being satisfied with your work.
Therefore, it’s important to work on your weaknesses, but not to the point of being obsessive. If you get to this dangerous place, you could be consumed by guilt and frustration.
“When everyone is guilty, then no one is guilty.”
-Concepcion Arenal-
How to stop blaming yourself for everything
Stop blaming yourself. The bad things that happen aren’t always your fault. You have to learn to carefully study the situation. Even if something is your fault, reminding yourself of your guilt isn’t a good use of your time.
If you don’t get out of the vicious cycle of constant self-blame, you end up in a downward spiral that is hard to get out of. But psychologist Arturo Torres has some helpful strategies you can use to help break the cycle. If you follow his advice, you can learn to stop blaming yourself for everything.
If you manage to stop feeling guilty about everything, you will be able to face life with a positive, constructive attitude. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be aware of the consequences of your actions. Nor should you ignore things that happen.
The point is to take responsibility for it and act in a constructive way. Look for solutions instead of concentrating on the problem. You have to change your behavior and the way you relate to your surroundings.
Minimize the importance of guilt and blame
Feeling responsible for something bad that happens to you is normal. However, that doesn’t mean you have to feel eternally guilty. Your feelings of guilt will probably last awhile, but you don’t have to make yourself a martyr. The best thing to do is to see it as a learning opportunity. Instead of punishing yourself, make sure that you don’t make the same mistake again.
Learn from your mistake. Then you will internalize the lesson it teaches you and minimize your feelings of blame. It isn’t useful to constantly blame yourself. There’s no point and it isn’t logical. Alternatively, ask yourself what happened and what was the trigger. Think about what you could have done better, and what you can do next time.
Think of blame as a learning opportunity. Never think of it as eternal condemnation. It’s normal to feel bad for a period of time, but it’s not something that should last your whole life.
Analyze your strengths and weaknesses
No one is perfect. It sounds cliche, but it’s true. It’s important to know what your strengths are and what you are good at. On the flip side, you should also identify your weaknesses. Be familiar with them so you know when you’re more likely to fail.
It’s obvious that you can’t do everything perfectly. This is another cliche, and it’s true. You have to accept this reality — the sooner the better. If you remember that and identify what you do well and what you don’t, you will know what is and isn’t your responsibility. You will be able to recognize when you have to make a more of an effort.
Let’s say you come across a complicated obstacle in your life. If you are aware of it, you can avoid it. Or, if you can’t avoid it entirely, you can at least evaluate your possible courses of action. That said, if you don’t do it because of pride or stubbornness, you have to take responsibility for your inaction as well.
Stop blaming yourself by looking at how you act with others
People who feel very guilty tend to put themselves down in front of others. They tend to take the blame for things even when they have almost nothing to do with what happened. Consequently, they will accept any accusation of guilt from others. They lack assertiveness, so they behave in a submissive way. This is a common dynamic in these types of relationships.
Reflecting on past events is important. Take time to consider each person who was present, and their level of responsibility. You should question accusations that people make; don’t take them for granted. It is too easy to fall into the trap of self-blame if you have low self-esteem. That also makes it easy for others to blame you.
“Let each carry his own guilt and there will be no one to blame.”
-Antonio Porchia-
Ending the cycle of self-blame can be a simple process if you know the steps. If you are capable of analyzing your particular situation, you can detect the problems and try to re-direct the situation. It isn’t about punishing yourself for your mistakes. The key is to look for alternatives and make other paths that allow you to keep growing.
