Why Does My Relationship Go From One Crisis to Another?
Why was it different before? You’ve probably asked yourself that question at some point about your relationship. This question causes doubt, mistrust, and insecurity. Above all, it makes you feel like you and your significant other are in a constant state of relationship crisis.
A relationship crisis is not something that you should be overly worried about. It happens when a couple goes through a transition and needs a change. What you should worry about is how you deal with the crises.
If you find yourself blaming the other person or ignoring what is happening, you should analyze that behavior. Other unhealthy behavior is to simply believe that the crisis is the end of your relationship, or blindly trust in certain beliefs that are undermining the bond you have with the other person. After a few years in the same relationship, it’s normal to have to face new challenges. Maybe some of them are things you would never have imagined. But that’s all normal. The secret is to know how to deal with them.
Most couples are very afraid of change. If the relationship isn’t how it was at the beginning and there have been changes, that might cause a crisis.
Beliefs and behaviors that can cause a relationship crisis
Romantic relationships are very important to us. Nevertheless, there are some particular beliefs and behaviors that can turn a beautiful thing into something awful. For example, the idea you have about what a relationship is supposed to be, or what love is, or how your partner should behave. You are influenced by all of those ideas, and they can be the catalyst for a crisis.
“Crisis is a state of things in which change is iminent, in one way or another.”
-Webster-
Another example, though you may not be aware of it, is that most people would prefer that the honeymoon phase of the relationship lasts forever. When the intensity of this phase decreases, you start to see your partner just as he or she is. Then the expectations and idealizations disappear, and that can give way to a crisis.
Once you take the blindfold off and discover that your significant other isn’t what you thought, you try to keep things going as best as possible. To do that, sometimes you might try to change the other person. Mold them and direct them towards the ideals and expectations that won´t come true.
However, this is not the same as accepting the other person. You are just trying to make them as close to your mental image as possible. If you behave like this, the other person could be offended and problems will arise. Because how would you feel if someone tried to change who you are? Asking your partner to change is valid as long as you don’t demand it and you take their opinion into account.
Another mistake is believing that once you are in a relationship, you don’t have to make any more effort. You have to cultivate love day by day, but for whatever reason, people relax when they feel like they have something for sure. And then you forget to show your partner how much you appreciate and love him. These are fundamental things if you want a healthy relationship based on admiration and respect.
Blaming the other person for everything that is wrong in the relationship means you don’t want to accept your part of the responsibility. A couple is a team, and if you blame everything on the other person, there’s no team.
Without a doubt, lack of communication is what causes most crises. It is unhealthy to keep quiet about things that bother you. Many people do that, and keep these things inside until they explode. Nor is it good to have doubts about your partner and not say anything. You end up living in constant uncertainty and making decisions that challenge the relationship, but each of you is on your own side. All of these things will damage the bond you have.
Each person needs their space
Another thing that can cause a relationship crisis is emotional dependence. This is when you believe that your significant other is your sole source of happiness. You believe that without that person, you would be nothing and you completely depend on your partner. Doing anything without the other person or even feeling good is impossible.
However, it’s important in every relationship that both people enjoy their space. They should each spend time with their friends, doing something they like doing. Your significant other isn’t the center of the world, and if you treat them that way it can be suffocating.
Also, total dependence on the other person causes fear, insecurity, and relationship doubts. All of that can lead to an immediate relationship crisis.
Your partner is your soul mate. Your partner doesn’t complete you. The person you want to share your life with is a travel companion, not your reason for living.
You might also find yourself comparing your relationship with others. You see them from the outside and they seem perfect. Other couples do everything together and they are never apart… That can also influence your relationship and you may wish you had it that good. The thing is that you don’t know what happens behind closed doors. They might have a relationship crisis every day.
Comparing your relationship with others is unfair and pointless. You are different from other people, you’ve had a different life, and you’ve faced different things. Each couple is unique, and it is extremely important to remember that.
“Mature love attracts without promising and joins without tying together. It feeds on gratitude and expands with freedom.”
-Ari Shemoth-
Each relationship crisis is an opportunity
As you can see, crises are just opportunities to change and transform your relationship. Those changes might take the form of an evolution or a breakup. They are moments that make you pause and reflect on the relationship.
So, the first step to resolving them is to be open. In other words, be willing to deal with them in the best way possible. That means not only reflecting and talking together, but also meditating on your own.
When you sit down to talk to your significant other, you have to forget about complaints and try to come from a practical and positive perspective. It’s not useful to remind your partner of everything they’ve done wrong. Instead, think of how to improve or resolve what happened so you can reach a compromise. Otherwise, your relationship will be in constant crisis. If you can’t solve it on your own, seek help from a relationship specialist.
Relationship crises might lead to a breakup, and they might not. In either case, they are necessary experiences. You have to deal with this if you want to be a better person and partner.