Insecurity is the Root of Any Toxic Relationship

Insecurity is the Root of Any Toxic Relationship
Fátima Servián Franco

Written and verified by the psychologist Fátima Servián Franco.

Last update: 07 December, 2023

They’re relationships undermined by insecurity. Ones that seduce and trick, and where people get trapped in a toxic, black net that’s extremely hard to get out of.

While it’s easy to think the opposite is true, we can characterize toxic people as having low self-esteem, leading to unstable connections. 

They’re experts at masking their insecurity through manipulation, trickery, and blame. They don’t see themselves as good enough. Because they can’t handle this uncertain feeling, they use other people to feel more secure.

Also, a relationship with a toxic person can cause states of paranoia and social isolation

On the other hand, it can also encourage compensatory behaviors like arrogance, narcissism, or aggressiveness.

Why Do Insecurity and Jealousy Go Together?

Jealousy, at its most extreme, is a “sick” way of connecting with others. Feeling jealous when there’s no reason to turns into not seeing yourself as deserving of the other person. Or, of not being good enough for them.

It suggests insecurity and lack of self-love. That’s why it’s a good idea to protect ourselves anytime either of those come onto the scene. Jealousy also increases with low self-esteem.

Jealous and mistrustful people are trapped in cycles of negative thoughts and feelings. It makes them believe they’re firmly in the right. Therefore they end up stuck between weakness and narcissism. It’s an explosive combination.

So, they’ll display strong armor when they’re jealous. But inside they’re hiding a huge emptiness brought on by insecurity and fear. 

That’s why they’re constantly telling their partner how much they love them. In fact, they’ll even use persuasion and manipulation to control them. It’s their way of maintaining the relationship.

But unfortunately their ingrained inferiority complex makes it all pointless. The security they get from the relationship is not usually enough for them.

An Insecure Person Tries to Make The Other Person Feel Insecure

We have to be very careful how we connect with insecure people. This is true whether it be a romantic relationship, or one with friends or family.

There may come a time when we start questioning our own actions. Then it’s important to ask ourselves who’s around us. Why are we feeling this way?

insecurity in a woman

If a feeling of insecurity appears when it’s never been there before, we have to be careful. It’s possible the insecure person is projecting their own insecurities onto us in order to feel more confident.

These people might be real experts at sowing the seed of insecurity in others as a form of control. For that, they use the so-called dark triad: manipulation, trickery, and blame.

Insecure people have excessive control over their partners, friends, and family.  It causes them to feel overly responsible for everything that happens to those people. This makes it so they’re always hyper-vigilant, looking at every detail.

So, the danger of insecurity in relationships comes down to this. Sometimes an insecure person only has one way of dealing with the uncertainty they have about themselves. They do it by making everyone else unhappy.

“Mistrust is the mother of insecurity”


This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.