When couples split up it can be very difficult and even traumatic. In fact, romantic relationships are one of the major concerns of many people in the world. They have become scary territory. At the same time, they are something that many people believe is necessary for happiness.
Couples don’t often sit down together to evaluate their problems and decide that it’s time to split up. Most breakups are abrupt for someone. They are often surrounded by conflict, confusion, and doubts.
Breakups between people who still love each other happen all the time. Maybe the love isn’t shiny and new. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it did at the beginning, but it’s still there. When everything ends you feel that love even more intensely because you are able to measure the hole that the other person leaves in your life.
If you truly love your partner and you want a long-lasting relationship, it’s always better to prevent a breakup. It is important to stay alert and not allow corrosive factors to dissolve your relationship. Among these factors are three that are common in breakups. They are:
At the beginning of a relationship, there is only flattery. Later, many couples arrive at a point where the opposite occurs. Criticism becomes all too common. This kind of questioning and doubt comes from a feeling of disappointment that happens when the honeymoon period is over.
Some people complain that their partner isn’t the “knight in shining armor” or the “enchanted princess” that they fell in love with. What they are really upset about is that the fantasy they had didn’t come true. They say that the other person “changed”. To a certain point, they feel misled upon discovering that the other person isn’t the “soulmate” that they dreamed about. Their partner is a human being with mundane needs and unattractive defects.
Criticism is important in some situations, like at work or in intellectual discussion. It is not particularly useful in romantic relationships. You always have the option to accept the other person, or not. But if you don’t let him go nor do you accept him, things can get very tense. Many breakups could be avoided if we worked on accepting our partner as they are instead of trying to change him or her. There’s a difference between someone not showing us that they love us, and not showing love exactly as we would like.
This type of behavior is common in situations of unresolved conflict. All couples have problems. All couples experience situations that require forgiveness. But often we don’t deal properly with the issue and there are lingering hard feelings that keep causing damage.
Defensive behavior also happens when one partner is extremely insecure and becomes dependent on the other. Just as in the other case, the outcome is terrible for both partners. One feels threatened, whether it is real or imaginary. The other becomes eternally suspicious. He begins to feel unfounded guilt or plays at controlling the other’s fear.
Given these conditions, the couple no longer feels united by love but by fear. Two people who should support and bring out the best in each other become undeclared enemies. They don’t trust each other. They protect themselves from each other. At this point, either they have to confront the problem and find a solution, or break-up. A break-up could be healthy for both of them.
Avoiding conflict is also a kind of defensive behavior. This behavior is expressed in a passive or latent way. The logic is that by ignoring problems, arguments, distance, and breakups can be avoided.
One partner could be acting in an inconsiderate or harmful way toward the other. Nevertheless, the one on the receiving end of this treatment stays silent. He doesn’t say anything. He knows that could be the straw that broke the camel’s back and could lead to a breakup. In this case, they stay together because of dependence and fear.
Unfortunately, avoiding conflict does not make it disappear. Whenever you leave a problem unresolved, it tends to grow, not fade away. Usually, an unresolved problem causes a lot of anxiety. It can also cause great sadness or even depression. And in the meantime, the main issue keeps getting worse.
Staying together isn’t just about affection. You need intelligence to navigate the contradictions that come up. If you are interested in keep love alive and avoiding a breakup, learn to communicate in a loving but direct way. Let go of your teenage fantasies, they tend to cause more harm than good.