Why Are You Still Here After All This Time?

Why haven’t you left after all this time? Why haven’t you gone away if  you can think of a lot of better things to do than to be with me? I’m a boring person, more melodramatic than fun and when I put my foot in my mouth I really do it. What the hell is in your mind for you to keep you looking at me with happiness on the days that I repeat to you that sadness exists?

You’re a crazy person, of those few crazy people that are left. Sorry to say that, but today I can’t hide the truth. I don’t want to, I don’t feel like it. Today I can’t deceive you, I can’t soften what I feel. The same way I didn’t when nothing made sense. So today I’m asking you to listen.

There are people that we can always go back to, even though we distance ourselves and we are light years away in another galaxy. They are synonymous with warmth and closeness, they are a connection at first sight. An unwavering and unique tune.

Please read on…

You have been my cane when I’ve been blind. You haven’t minded accompanying me even though you knew that in many of the places I was searching I wouldn’t find anything. Despite you warning me, you’ve never told me afterward, “I warned you.”

I do want to tell you something: without you I would not have come this far and I would have stayed behind, without you I wouldn’t have searched for that one last bullet in my pocket that I clench with my fist.

You haven’t told me off, despite my battles having left you with scars also. Scars that I look at now and which make me feel lucky to have been able to count on you. Footprints are proof that you have become a part of me, we have done this ritual in which everything is shared, even in blood…

You are left to make a realistic assessment of the damage and connect the dots. You’ve tended my wounds while telling a bad joke, knowing that it would sting at first but that by doing this the wound wouldn’t become infected.

You have also given a toast with me and while you looked me in the eyes and asked me using the spaces between the words for the next one. Because you have known me for years and you know that I will not change my essence, although you can negotiate with it.

I have shown you my worst face, that of which I am not quite proud of, and you have refused to believe my words when I said that I was like that when things got ugly.

You have not believed the evidence and you told me that faith moves mountains as proud as mine, from the hope of thinking that I could realize not everything was very black, dark and gloomy.

You have not let me forget the good times and you have talked about them with hope as if they were a thread to pull. The rock that I could grab with my hand that you let free.

You are also important to me

I will not let you forget these words because they are true. I will remind you point by point so that you understand that your efforts have created results. That even though rationally I do not understand what in the world you are doing here, I am very grateful you are.