Turn Your Jealousy into Healthy Self-Esteem
You’ve probably felt jealous at some time or another. Jealousy originates from the fear of losing someone. However, within this kind of fear three people are usually involved.
To begin with, there’s the jealous one. Then, there’s the person they fear losing. Thirdly, the one who wants to take that person away from them.
“Jealousy is conceived only in insecurity and must be nourished in fear.”
-Maya Angelou-
Jealousy can destroy a relationship because it causes great mistrust. However, it goes further. In fact, feeling such extreme jealousy betrays the jealous person as someone who’s extremely insecure.
Today, we’re going to take a look at jealousy in-depth in an attempt to know how to understand it and transform it into self-esteem. Because it’s self-esteem that jealous people lack.
Reasons for feelings of jealousy
People who are victims of jealousy often think that their partner has no reason to feel this way. After all, if they don’t give them any reason to be jealous, why does it happen?
As a matter of fact, if you suffer from jealousy, you usually have more reasons for it than may be apparent. Nevertheless, this doesn’t make your jealousy any more justifiable.
To begin with, if you’re jealous, you have extremely low self-esteem. You tend to think that everyone else is better than you.
Also, you’re really insecure. For this reason, you might try and exercise total control over your partner. This can happen, especially when your partner’s been unfaithful before. You feel insecure about them, in case they do the same again.
Sometimes, you might be jealous of something that doesn’t really exist. This is the result of the exaggeration caused by what you imagine, but which isn’t real.
Actually, you behave like this because thinking that they might cheat on you makes you feel really anxious. When you try to avoid these feelings of anxiety, you feel more fear which gives rise to jealousy.
What can you do? You can think about where your insecurity comes from and put your desire to possess your partner to one side. Only in this way, will you be able to be happy and be able to free yourself from your feelings of jealousy.
Trust: raise your self-esteem
If you want to stop being a jealous person, the first thing to do is to build healthy self-esteem.
You need to be more sure of yourself, think about yourself, and work on your fears. They originate from somewhere. You must find out where they come from and put a stop to them.
For example, think about how much it bothers you that others are looking at your partner. Then, ask yourself, why does it offend you? What you should be feeling is pride.
After all, others can look at your partner but, at the end of the day, they’re yours. Only yours. You chose them. Why should you think that someone else can take them away from you?
When you begin to trust your partner and feel more secure, you’ll start to see everything in a clearer and calmer way. Furthermore, you’ll feel relieved as you no longer feel you have to control your partner.
Nevertheless, you must remember that nobody owns anybody. We’re all free. However, this doesn’t imply that your partner will leave you for another.
Infidelity
If you’ve been unfaithful before and your jealousy is caused by worrying that your partner might do the same, put yourself in their shoes.
You’ve already made the mistake, so you know that we can all fail. You can’t condemn and judge your partner for something that you did yourself. You must be consistent.
On the other hand, perhaps your partner was unfaithful to you. In this case, you feel jealous due to their infidelity. Consequently, you no longer trust them.
If you’re not able to forgive their infidelity, you must bear in mind that the relationship won’t continue. Sooner or later, it’ll come to an end.
“We lose many things simply out of fear of losing them.”
-Paulo Coelho-
Therefore, if you’re a jealous person and want to solve it, look for the reason for your jealousy. If you can’t solve it, you may not be with the right person.
If jealousy continues to torment you, your relationship will never be healthy. You must think about yourself and how secure you want to feel. You need to increase your self-esteem and confidence.
As a matter of fact, sometimes, the person you’re jealous of only exists in your imagination…
