Together but Not Attached: Partner as Emotional Vitamin

It is common for partners to live attached to one another, thereby reducing the possibilities of emotional growth for each partner. A couple must be given wings to fly, not be trapped in a cage.

The happiness of each of us must depend on ourselves, but what happens is that our partner is one of the main stimulants of this. So, in order for it to fully provide its effect, we must pay attention to many beliefs that trap us in codependent relationships.

For the members of the couple to work as essential vitamins, they have to take a special step: find a shared goal while maintaining their personal space. For this, it is essential that the two understand and respect one another.

Finding a shared goal to build healthy relationships

Finding a shared goal is the first step to maintain the personal space of each partner. In doing so each partner gets to know him or herself and explore new horizons, each one bringing their own grain of sand.

Finding those moments to share will help the members of the couple to understand that there is time to grow in each other’s company and help. But caution must be taken so that this shared goal does not absorb the pair.

So, partners who behave as emotional vitamins share worries, which is why they must become aware of many details. For example, realizing that disagreeing does not imply that there is something wrong in the relationship.  It is normal to have unsolvable conflicts and to have the ability to express oneself fully. In fact, 69% of conflicts between partners never go away.

If not everything can be resolved, it is possible to live with these differences. As people, we lend varying importance to identical situations. Something that often makes it difficult for us to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Recognizing the “emotional idealism” of each person and being able to talk about this means validating and constructing the emotional connection that a relationship requires.

The best way to settle certain situations is by showing respect towards the other person: “I know that we do not agree, I understand that you are committed to your perspective of the subject, just as I am to mine. As such, I respect you.” The rituals that exist in the relationship are explored and new ones are created.

Leaving personal space means becoming dream detectors

The more emotional information a couple shares, the healthier their relationship will be. As emotionally healthy partners, we must encourage the realization of the other person’s dreams and aspirations.

It is good to avoid the existence of “hidden and little explored agendas” in our relationship and to fertilize an emotional field to share desires and worries that help us to recreate a space of individual development. To achieve this, we must:

• Listen to the other person talk about their worries and dreams.
• Ask them questions that encourage them to explore the history that is feeding their ambition.
• Offer empathy through the transmission of the message that “I understand that this is very important for you” (whether we share this aspiration or not).
• Offer emotional support and approval of the decisions and advances. It is very important for the other person to be aware you support them.

Loving for oneself is caring for oneself, “despite” and “with” our sides and edges. We all have an ugly side, another pretty one, a hurtful one, a mushy one, an acidic one, a bitter one, a sweet one, a salty one, a happy one, a fearful one, a sad one, an exploratory one, a lazy one, and an embarrassing one.

Each one of our facets makes us into beings worthy of loving and receiving love, which is why we must respect the expression of each feeling and each way of being in order to complete ourselves as emotional vitamins. Only in this way can we kiss each corner of our heart.

Images by Puung and Claudia Tremblay