Are You Emotionally Dependent?

· January 6, 2016

Has there ever been a time when you asked yourself if you were truly in love? Has this question been on your mind for days or even months? Have you ever thought that you were in love, only to find out later on that you only needed that person because you didn’t want to be alone?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it’s possible that you could be someone who experiences emotional dependence.

Emotional dependence affects just as many men as it does women, although the behavior is usually more noticeable in women.

Are you wondering if you belong to the group of people who experience emotional dependence? Take a look at these 12 questions to see if they apply to you:

Are you emotionally dependent?

  1. Do you try to change the person that you think you are in love with?
  2. Do you tend to idealize the people you have been with in past relationships?
  3. Do you project your fantasies and desires on the people you date instead of seeing them for who they really are?
  4. Do you focus more on how your partner treats you instead of who they really are inside?
  5. Are you really affected by the way this person makes you feel special?
  6. Do you believe it is your partner’s responsibility to make you feel happy and secure?
  7. Do you feel panicked or anxious when you aren’t with your partner or when they don’t call you when you expected them to?
  8. Do you have a list of expectations that your partner must fulfill in order to make you feel loved and secure?
  9. Do you feel as if you can’t live without your partner?
  10. Do you feel alone and empty inside unless your partner is with you and giving you the attention and approval that you are not giving yourself?
  11. Are you jealous and possessive of your partner?
  12. Do you try to maintain control in order to make sure your partner does what you want them to do?

Remember, these questions only serve as a guideline and are not a replacement for a professional, psychological evaluation. However, they can help you better understand yourself concerning this type of behavior.


Emotional dependence is a very important aspect to consider since it can lead to great suffering. Furthermore, it originates from fear and therefore cannot be considered a form of love

It’s also important for us to be aware of emotional dependence as it originates from the internal emptiness that we ourselves create when we are abandoned. When this happens, we tend to hope that our partner will fill this void and make us feel loved and secure.

Why do we develop an emotional dependency on someone else?

Once we have made it the responsibility of our partner to make us feel happy, secure and worthy, we begin to develop the need to control him or her. This need creates an artificial kind of love.

That sad part is we don’t realize that we are creating something that takes us further away from experiencing pure and unconditional love.

How do we know when we’re in love?

True love, which all of us have the right to experience and enjoy in our lives, is a love without condition; no “buts” and no one-way streets. One of the characteristics of true love is never controlling or trying to dominate the relationship.

True love is based on and originates from the unconditional exchange of a partner to give and take; it is never about looking to “win.” When you love someone, you deeply value their basic qualities and characteristics; those aspects that don’t disappear with the passing of time and make the person you love unique and irreplaceable.

When you are in love, you don’t rely on superficial qualities like appearance, money or power, but rather on more profound aspects found in the heart and soul.

The problem that many people experience is the constant search for love and the need to be in a relationship. This intense focus on finding that “special someone” can cause more harm than good by leading to a closed heart that relies on controlling behavior which is exactly what pushes true love away.

So how do I open myself up for true love?

We are able to open up our hearts and focus on being loving and centered on learning first how to love ourselves and, consequently, how to love our partner.

When in doubt, remember:

  • Loving yourself and those around you allows you to experience love in a way that is much more respectable for you and for the person that you care for.
  • If we don’t love ourselves, our true spirit isn’t able to see nor love the spirit of another.
  • Having low self-esteem can cause us to become emotionally dependent in our journey to find true love.
  • Loving yourself makes you stronger. When you are strong and sure of yourself, you can better understand your partner’s needs and desires.

It all comes down to giving ourselves the attention and approval that we as human beings need in order to feel complete and build up our inner lives. One of the key principles for loving and staying in love is learning to love ourselves.