There's No White Without Black, No Good Without Bad
There’s no white without black, no happiness without sadness. When it comes to colors, the ones we like depend on our taste, at least partly. However, when we talk about emotions, it seems less varied. We reject the ones that make us upset and embrace the ones that make us feel good. However, without some, there wouldn’t be others, at least not in the same way. Would you be able to value joy if you had never experienced sadness?
We tend to run away from bad situations. Or sometimes, we’re content to suffer and be a victim of circumstances that we believe we can’t change. This passive attitude takes away our responsibility over our own lives. But if you’re going to submerge yourself in all of these negative experiences, why not appreciate the opposite?
“Reality is more real in black and white.”
-Octavio Paz-
There’s no white without black
The real reason we plunge ourselves into the negative without being able to see the positive originates from our hopes and expectations of what we think will make us happy. We think that a complete life should be full of happiness, where there’s no lack of money, no getting laid off, no illness, no toxic relationships.
We run away from all of that, just like we run away from the mistakes we’ve made. When we can’t escape, we get sad, but that’s not what should happen. Thanks to all of those experiences, we know how to appreciate the opposite: the beauty of balance, of everyday life, of abundance, of having our needs satisfied.
Why do we fail to appreciate the bad if it allows us to see the good, and even leads us to it? If you had never made a mistake, then you’d probably know half of what you know today. If you’d never lied, you wouldn’t appreciate it when other people don’t lie, because you wouldn’t know how tempting it can be. Similarly, if none of your friends had ever disappointed you, you wouldn’t know what true friendship is. Much of the knowledge we gain comes from hardships.
There’s something good in every bad thing. There’s something beautiful in every ugly thing. It’s all a matter of opening your eyes and truly seeing.
It’s in the relationships that cause us the most suffering that we most feel the need to be loaded with positive emotions. All because we make the mistakes we mentioned before, although here it’s much more pronounced. In our relationships, whether they’re with friends or partners, our expectations influence the disappointment we feel.
The importance of being realistic
Nobody is free from suffering, and that’s okay. There are many negative people in this world, and many circumstances that test us. If you had never been hurt, you’d never know how to distinguish genuine people from those who want to take advantage of you. Everything bad that happens has a positive side.
You might think that nothing good can come from infidelity, especially if your partner was the unfaithful one. However, over time you’ll look at it from another perspective and realize that it was a positive thing for you in a way. Their infidelity gave you the motivation you needed to end a relationship that had nothing left to give you.
In the same way, if you go through a disastrous relationship, you have enough baggage for you to now be sure about what you want and what you don’t. In fact, breakups can always teach you something: that the person wasn’t right for you. In those relationships, you also learn how you tend to act in difficult situations, the ones you have to face when you’ve already run out of patience.
Without realizing it, we sometimes seek out darkness. How many times have you thought that having something would make you happy? Why do you feel doomed because you can’t have children? When was the last time you felt like a victim when it was in your hands to not be one? The answers to these questions can only be found in the exciting act of living, in the form of valuable lessons.
There’s no white without black. There’s no good without bad. Life moves around two opposite poles that attract each other.
Everything that involves emotions leaves a mark on us. That’s why we always have so many problems in our relationships. Sometimes we dump our needs onto others: emotional deficiencies, fears, the need to be happy… However, there’s nothing negative in all that. We learn from our pain and suffering. That’s the only way we can grow as people. Because there’s no white without black, and that’s a good thing.
This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.
