The People Who Lift Me Up

The People Who Lift Me Up
Raquel Aldana

Written and verified by the psychologist Raquel Aldana.

Last update: 14 December, 2021

The people who  deserve to be in my life are the ones who stand by me, support me, and lift me up. We should remember this message whenever we feel let down.

When it comes to relationships, not everything is rose-colored, and the conflicts that we have with others can be harmful and difficult. This is perfectly normal as long as we’re able to resolve those conflicts adequately.

However, sometimes negativity, wrongdoings, and a lack of reciprocity make us wonder whether maybe we should go our separate ways with that person.

running to the water

The difficulty of separation

Sometimes separation is necessary for growth. Nevertheless, saying goodbye is extremely difficult, and even more so when we have to say goodbye to someone who was really important to us.

When we free ourselves by deciding to put an end to the relationship, we should first be thankful for everything we’ve learned and unlearned, going in circles around something that has never worked out. Another way to give meaning to the separation is understanding that we can learn from everything, absolutely everything.

Life retains its meaning under any conditions. It remains meaningful literally up to its last moment, up to one’s last breath.

-Viktor Frankl-


It hurts to feel unloved

Feeling unloved causes two serious wounds: abandonment and humiliation. The latter is more difficult to recognize because it involves shedding light on suffering, which makes us feel like a failure even though in reality it just makes us human.

When we stop loving someone who we should have reasons to love, who we created wonderful stories with, it results in a break in our emotional patterns.

This throws us off and for a while all we can do is listen to the echo of beating drums that frustrates us and that we don’t know how to stop, because we can’t tell where they’re coming from and we can’t communicate with them.

However much we love ourselves, however much we know ourselves, and however determined we are, making the decision to say goodbye is always tremendously painful.

sinking heart

“It’s always necessary to know when a stage of your life has ended. If you insist on remaining in it too long, you’ll lose your happiness and sense of balance. Closing circles, or closing doors, or closing chapters, however you want to call it.

What’s important is being able to close them, and letting go of a time in your life that’s closing down.

We can’t be in the present if we’re yearning for the past. Not even if we ask ourselves why. Whatever happened, happened, and you must release yourself, you must break away. We can’t be eternal children, or late adolescents, or nonexistent employees, and we can’t be linked to someone who doesn’t want to be linked to us.

Things happen and you need to let them go!”

Paulo Coelho

We won’t be the same after saying goodbye

With goodbyes, there’s always something inside of us that breaks, that rips apart our hopes and our feelings. This part of us will never be the same; it can no longer be reconstructed or rise again within us.

This makes us feel nostalgia and profound sorrow, as we create fantasies about what could have been but wasn’t, as well as a tremendous fear of goodbyes that pushes us to cling to the impossible.

swing in a storm

In the end, closing doors to people in our lives involves a painful process of suffering. But these goodbyes are necessary for finding ourselves again and realigning our emotions.

People change, and so do relationships. This happens even though we put all of our determination into something that will never happen. However, saying goodbye to the relationships that are not good for us, that have no remedy, is what saves us. 

So when we realize that something isn’t going well and that good feelings are only noticeable because of their inexplicable absence, it’s important to know that you have the capacity to choose who you want in your life and who should leave it.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.