Don’t Let Your Emotional Wounds Change Who You Are

March 5, 2016

It is always important to realize when a stage of life has come to an end. If one insists on remaining in that stage beyond the given time of it, they miss out on the happiness and meaning that the rest of their life has to offer. Circles close, doors close, chapters end… whatever you want to call it. 

The important thing is to be able to close it, and to be able to let go of that stage and those moments that are now forever in the past. 

One cannot live in the present and long for the past at the same time. They must ask themselves why. What happened has happened, and you must let it go and free yourself from it. Childhood is not eternal, nor adolescence, nor lifestyle, nor relationships. 

Things happen, and then must be left in the past; one must let them go. 

-Paulo Coelho-

We often reexamine the past, and, many times, are able to apply what we learn from it to our present life. Despite being able to do this, we often lose our emotional identity in the process. It becomes a casualty of the effects of emotional wounds from the past that have remained open, never treated, never healed.

Over time, with each moment we think of it or hear about it, these emotional wounds fester and become infected. This depresses our ability to be our true selves and to validate our own emotions. 

It seems that we have grown quite used to living with this latent emotional pain, and resisting addressing it. In some cases, our brain may even disconnect its ability to feel certain emotions in order to avoid feeling pain.

However, we know, deep down, that these wounds are what prevent us from moving forward in life. They inhibit us from truly enjoying that which is around us and from fully committing ourselves to the present moment.

The truth is that although it is said that the past is an old friend whom we should greet from afar, we should simply acknowledge it and heal it to avoid getting too comfortable living in it.

hanging wooden hearts emotional

Cleansing the past and disinfecting our emotional wounds

That which we once enjoyed, we will never lose. Everything we love deeply becomes part of who we are. 

-Bernardo Stamateas-

The million-dollar question is: how do these emotional wounds infiltrate and infect our soul? They do it with sacrifice and rage, with fear of abandonment, with spite, with invalidity, with loneliness and betrayal, with lack of support and lack of understanding, with sadness and deception, with longing, and with guilt.

In fact, we can often find in just one wound many of the difficult emotions and feelings we have just listed. But, what can we do to heal ourselves truly and completely? 

  • Look inside ourselves and locate our wounds. Where do we feel pain? Do we feel uncomfortable talking about something or someone specific? Does it make us feel sad or angry? Since when have we felt like this? Can we figure out why?
  • Talk about it. It may not be easy; our wounds and the pain they produce limit us. It doesn’t matter how long it takes for you to get it all out, you must empty yourself of that pent up emotion. Ask a good and trustworthy friend to help you with this. Releasing our repressed and stifled emotions is an incredible, healing comfort.
  • Open up our wounds and let them breathe; let them burn; this means they are healing. Wounds from our emotional past fester and affect the feelings, emotions, and thoughts that harm us. Therefore, we have to stop perpetuating their presence in our hearts and minds. This negativity lives at our expense, and affects us in ways we never would have imagined.

Drain your wounds by crying; expel your pain. Do what you want, but close the door on your suffering so it cannot get back in. Only then will you feel truly yourself and begin to recover your identity.

close up tear drops emotional wounds

Let it go…

If it does not bring happiness to your life… let it go.

If it does not teach you something, or if it is not constructive… let it go.

If it does not let you grow, let it go.

If it does not recognize your talents, let it go.

If it does not embrace who you are, let it go.

If it does not propel you forward, let it go.

If it’s all talk and no action, let it go.

If there is no room for you in its life, let it go.

If it tries to change you, let it go.

If it imposes its ego, let it go.

If the cons outnumber the pros, let it go.

If it does not contribute positively to your life, let it go.

Let yourself go… the fall will be much less painful than the pain of remaining held captive by the past, by that which was but no longer is.