After a Goodbye, We Are Not the Same

· March 1, 2016

Goodbyes always break a little part of us inside. We could say that the break is produced by our own wishful thinking, in our hopes or in our feelings. From that moment on, that part of us will never be the same; it will never rebuild itself. In fact, it can even reach a point when it torments us. 

That’s why anyone who, at any moment of his or her life has had to say good-bye to something or someone very important, knows that after that goodbye, they will not be the same. From that point on, they’ll always feel a certain nostalgia; a certain weight.

In the end, a goodbye means grief. In this process, moments pass, sometimes painful, that make us feel like we need to cling to the impossible. This can grow inside us and make us anxious; it changes that little part of us that broke.

two kids say good-bye

Nothing is permanent; everything changes 

People change, and, with that change, the way people relate to the world also changes. This happens despite the fact that we may want with all our heart for it to stay the same. Even when we are ready to make a necessary change, we resist because we don’t want to pass through that difficult time of “letting go” of something we think we need.

This last thought is important because, as we have said many times before, the feeling of need restricts our freedom. It also makes us an easy target for toxic relationships.

On the other hand, every goodbye has a certain sweet sorrow about it. Although it may be paradoxical, it is sweet because it makes us feel and savor the bitterness of the moment; it offers us the opportunity to take pleasure in what will come next: emotional freedom


Sometimes, goodbyes are necessary in order to get to know ourselves again, something that is tremendously difficult if we live clinging to or chained to certain feelings, people, places, or activities.

girl riding bird at night good-bye

Don’t forget to close the wounds of an emotional past 

“It is always necessary to know when a stage of life ends. If you insist on staying there, staying in it, beyond the right moment, you will lose the happiness and meaning of the rest of life. Closing circles, closing doors, ending chapters – whatever you want to call it. 

The important thing is to be able to close them, and to let go of the moments of life that are coming to an end. 

We cannot live in the present yearning for the past. We cannot even ask ourselves why. What happened, happened. It must be let go of, it must be gotten rid of. We cannot be children forever, nor adolescents, nor work for a no longer existent company, nor form bonds with people who do not want to be bonded to us. 

Everything passes, and we must let it all go!”

-Paulo Coelho-

When we begin a new stage of life, we have to close others. This means we must heal the emotional wounds of our past, which is both painful and complicated. However, in reality we all carry with us an open wound in the form of our past experiences that can drive us crazy in the present, and can even affect our future.

It is normal to feel a sensation of vertigo when facing the emotional abyss of a goodbye. In the same sense that we feel vertigo when looking down from a great height, our mind wants to stop us from looking, from seeing the truth.

However, in this case something has fallen off an emotional cliff. Although we will never get it back, we have to see it to make sure the fall has truly broken it. In other words, we need to see it in order to believe it. We need to see that piece of ourselves detached and will no longer be a part of us. It was beautiful while it lasted, but it became a weight, a stone that stopped us from following and making progress on the path of life.

In conclusion, when we have to say goodbye and give thanks. Each goodbye gives us the opportunity to learn something that may be essential in taking on whatever life brings us.

Accept and let go of everything that is no longer part of you; allow yourself to walk with a light step. You will find that there are no words in the dictionary that are able to describe that wonderful and happy feeling.