The Art of Deserving

What do you deserve? Why do you deserve it? Today we know that the art of deserving has to do with those processes that operate between what you want and what you finally get.
The Art of Deserving

Last update: 13 November, 2021

When talking about the art of deserving, the obvious thing is to relate it to the classic link between hard work, perseverance, and the fruits that come from them. Although this has a lot to do with merit, in reality, it doesn’t end there. As a matter of fact, there are many other factors that complete the equation of what you deserve and what you get.

This is precisely why the art of deserving is a topic worthy of discussion. Indeed, as is often proven, people don’t always get what they deserve. Sometimes they get more, sometimes less, and sometimes nothing. As a matter of fact, justice doesn’t seem to be one of those factors that operate naturally but requires specific actions for it to take place.

The art of deserving tells us about those actions that are required to facilitate the process in which an individual obtains what, for a good reason, they deserve. In fact, each person has an expectation of what they deserve, but they’re not always aware of it. That’s the first obstacle. Let’s take a look at this in more detail.

Merit consists on many occasions of materializing expectations, thus starting the whole process of achievement. The next step is to build a dream, which involves formulating goals, consciously raising the range of expectations.”

-Alberto Luis González-

Woman with her back turned on the beach

The art of deserving

The art of deserving is based on the premise we mentioned earlier. It’s the fact that we all have expectations of what we deserve. The problem is that this involves a conscious and an unconscious part. Ideally, there’s coherence between the two, but this isn’t always the case.

As a matter of fact, there are always people who strive to achieve a goal without finally reaching it. At other times the opposite happens. Indeed, there seem to be people who attract everything positive to them, without even having to invest much effort at all. Why does this happen?

Part of the answer may lie in the art of deserving. This has nothing to do with good or bad luck, or with “energy” or anything along those lines. Instead, what happens is that your expectations about what you think you deserve are translated into attitudes and actions. These are, ultimately, one of the aspects that bring you closer or further away from your goals.

Do you deserve it or not?

In principle, you deserve the best for yourself, especially when you act honestly and decently. In fact perseverance and effort help you achieve what you want.

However, we should mention that some things simply aren’t possible, and not recognizing this only leads to frustration. For example, it’s impossible to extend youth beyond biological limits. Nor can you ever go back to the past. You must also completely forget the idea of total perfection, full unconditionality, total and permanent satisfaction, and the idea of immortality, both of yourself and of everything in existence.

Faced with possible goals, what often stands between wanting and achieving them is your sense of worthiness. This is often an unconscious feeling. It gives rise to situations in which there’s an inconsistency between the concrete actions that you deploy to achieve something and your attitude in the process.

With actions, you move towards achievement. However, with the wrong kind of attitude, you sabotage it. In fact, it’s often said that some people are defeated before even undertaking something. No matter how hard they try, whatever attitude they transmit, and however they move forward, they encounter obstacles.

Woman walking practicing

Developing the art of deserving

Often, an unprocessed past experience forms the basis of you feeling like you don’t deserve something. It’s also possible that you might be fulfilling an unconscious mandate. For instance, it could be the consequence of how, in the past, a particular authority figure looked at you. Alternatively, if you felt like you were invisible to others back then, you might feel that this is what you deserve today.

How can you overcome this? Well, the art of deserving begins with a reconfiguration of your relationship with yourself. Sometimes, there might be so many difficulties that you need professional help to achieve it. At other times it’s enough to simply reflect on the situation and become a good friend to yourself.

On the other hand, it’s important to put your own self-care in front of any other aspect of your life. The first thing is to defend yourself, maintain your own integrity, and put yourself first in everything you do. This isn’t selfishness or arrogance, but a healthy principle of behavior.

Finally, it helps to cultivate fun hobbies and activities. This will help you go through life in a more light-hearted way and eliminate those uncompromising attitudes. In fact, make yourself happy. Because the art of deserving is naturally built on feelings of well-being and self-care.

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  • Aramburu Otazu, M., & Sabaté Muriel, I. (2020). Merecimiento y lenguajes de la injusticia: introducción. Etnográfica. Revista do Centro em Rede de Investigação em Antropologia, 24(1)), 157-164.