Missing Is More Than Just Remembering

June 22, 2016

Missing someone is one of the most painful feelings that you can experience. It goes beyond just remembering the good times you had with that person. Even though they’re not a part of your life anymore and it’s been a long time since they left your life, their memory haunts you day and night.

When missing someone hurts

There are many examples of people we might miss: a teenage love, a dear friend, a grandparent who passed away a long time ago, the happy times we spent with our families during childhood

We don’t want to miss people, but nevertheless, it’s something that we can’t control and it hurts a lot. More than just feeling their absence, it makes us feel a heaviness in our chest, and it makes tears escape from our eyes. It’s an empty space that we can’t fill.

When you love someone deeply, when you’ve been truly happy with them, the fact that they’re not there anymore is certainly a reason for sadness. Of course it’s understandable at first, but after a certain amount of time you should move forward and continue on with your life.

girl holding heart

Missing is more than remembering, and it’s much more than suffering. Because you can recall the beautiful memory of a teacher or a trip that you’ve taken, but missing goes much beyond that. Missing is revisiting the empty space that the separation has left. And it’s so hard to fill it again!

Missing is difficult to explain

We looked for the definition of “to miss” in the dictionary, which might help us a little. It’s a transitive verb that means “noticing the absence of something that was used habitually and that has been replaced with something else.” We can make a few conclusions from this definition.

So missing is the lack of something that was “used” often. If we transfer that definition onto feelings, we can say that we miss a person when we don’t see someone who we used to see constantly, and who we loved very much.

Secondly, it states that the thing we miss has been substituted with something else. If you’re suffering, it’s because you haven’t been able to replace them. Or rather, the place they used to occupy now contains nothing but an empty space that can’t be filled.

Missing or remembering?

woman with coffee

We already have the approximate definition of “to miss.” But we need the definition of “to remember” to complete the puzzle. Going back to the dictionary, we found that remembering is about “bringing to memory something perceived, learned, or known. Retaining something in the mind.”

What can be deduced from this? That memories are held in the brain! That is, they’re not related to feelings and if they were, we wouldn’t get sad or feel like crying. In summary, missing someone is longing for that person and the time you spent together. 

Meanwhile, remembering is bringing these beautiful scenes to mind, but leaving aside the feeling of longing or nostalgia. In other words, we recalling something without the feelings that were experienced back then. Of course, it’s difficult to take the emotions out of a memory; we’re not machines or robots. But it’s often worth making the attempt so you can avoid the depression, crying, or even hate that it might bring up.

If you want to avoid missing someone every time you remember them, maybe it would suit you to push those thoughts as far away as possible. For example, not doing things that make you think of their face, the words that they said, or the moments you shared together. Over time, you’ll see that the memories will stop hurting you, and even though you might miss that person, the empty space that they left behind won’t keep you from moving forward.