How We Like to Talk about Love

How We Like to Talk about Love
Adriana Díez

Written and verified by the psychologist Adriana Díez.

Last update: 21 December, 2022

We like to talk about love like we see it at the movies. We like to feel it on our skin, to hear that special someone say our names with understanding, tenderness, and care. We like to feel it, live it, make plans and come out a better person. Because we love stories that change the rhythm of our hearts.

We enjoy talking about romance like this. The kind with happy endings – but only the happy-ever-after kiss, and not so much the day-to-day aspects. We focus on the beautiful, the magical, the conquest and the courtship, the love that we sometimes unconsciously seek and desire.

There’s nothing more beautiful than a good story of how two people met, fell in love, and began the adventure of their relationship. But what about what happened after? They don’t tell us about the everyday moments in pajama pants and without flowers, hanging around the house, and going shopping together. We don’t like to talk about this part so much because there’s no magic. But this is still love.

people snuggling

We all want a happy ending, but how are we ever going to get there without all those little steps? The end is not the first kiss like you see in the movies. The end is not running into each other’s arms, or getting engaged, or getting married. The end is often when the feeling runs out, although you rarely see that in the movies.

“There’s not one single true love story that has a happy ending. If it’s love, it has no end. If it has an end, it’s not happy.”

-Joaquín Sabina-

We like to talk about love, but it’s much more than what we think it is. People build and work on their happy stories every day. The key to overcoming rocky beginnings is the effort that each person wants to put in. If each person puts in a lot in the end the success will multiply.

Do love and happiness go hand-in-hand?

Maybe yes and maybe no, or more realistically, sometimes yes and sometimes no. Sometimes love makes us cry, hurt, and doubt, but it has to be worth it. We should also be talking about this side of love, and listening to the other side of the story that we don’t usually hear.

Happiness can be found in many areas of life, so it would be a mistake to think that it can only come from love. Too many people seek and need romance because they feel like they’re missing a part of themselves. But remember, we’re already complete. Seek to add to yourself, not complete yourself.

We like to talk about happy love, which may be why we associate happiness with love so much. Encouraged by the hope that it brings, it isn’t strange that we’re so idealistic. But the princes and princesses in the stories also have to live their everyday lives and face the challenges of sharing their lives together. While this all occurs behind the scenes, we’re mistaken to believe in and talk about only what we see on the screen.

people reading together

The rest of the story

So now, we’re going to tell the story of a couple who we admire. They still loved each other, after the first date, the first kiss, the first day waking up together. They continued to go to bed thinking they were next to the person they had chosen from the heart. They also argued. Sometimes they hated each other, or couldn’t find the right words to say. But despite all that, they were happy.

Their story didn’t start off well. There were bumps in the road, and they had arguments, but with a lot of work and affection, they were able to overcome this.

But we won’t stop here. We’ll continue to the end. It’s not a happy ending, but it’s a real ending.

The love between them wasn’t always enough. Someone else came into the picture and pushed their story to its end. So not everything is happy ever after. There are different kinds of love that exist, not just the beginning and not just the beautiful parts. There’s a whole story, a real story, which is much more exciting (and yes, sometimes more boring).

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.