I'm Tired of Pleasing Others

I'm Tired of Pleasing Others

Last update: 21 April, 2016

I’m tired of pleasing others. I’ll admit that for a long time, I thought that pleasing others was the most important thing you could do. I don’t see it like that anymore, and even if that’s true, I don’t want to do it anymore.

I’ve finally understood that I am a complete person. Before, I was afraid of rejection, and I didn’t understand the idea of not pleasing someone. This completely saturated my mind. I arrived at a point where there was no longer any room for me.

Saying “no” is liberating

I thought that going through life doing whatever I wanted was synonymous with freedom. Now I understand that there is something much more important: not doing the things I don’t want to do.

When you’re unable to refuse the requests of others, you chain yourself to the desires of other people. It doesn’t matter if it’s a boss, a friend, or a family member. At some point you’ll realize that you’re not doing anything worthwhile for yourself.

girl with umbrella

Even if they tell you they’ll be grateful for the sacrifice that comes with it, pleasing others is a heavy burden. I learned that saying “no” means freedom.

Now I enjoy living my life the way I want to. This often involves staying home or going out with fewer people than I thought was necessary.

Now I like making decisions

Pleasing others turns you into a robot. You end up doing what others want because you think they’re wiser. And maybe they are, but how will you learn if you don’t make your own decisions?

How to live, what to do, how to feel, where to go…these things are so basic, yet so important at the same time. If you understand that the only person who can govern your life is you, you will open a lot of doors.

People have told me that I’m more selfish now. Which is true, and that doesn’t bother me. Others might say that this is a bad thing, but it’s only bad if it hurts other people. But if I live in a way that doesn’t go against my values or hurt my loved ones, no decision can be negative. 

I don’t care if those who tried to define my life for me before are disappointed, because I know that the people who love me want the best for me. And anyone else can simply leave from my life. If they don’t want the best for me, maybe they shouldn’t be here.

I learned to ask for help

When I got tired of pleasing others, I learned that there are many people who are ready to help me. Some people were there with every step I took, and others only when I asked for it. This doesn’t mean that some cared and others didn’t.

It’s just that everyone has their own life and they can’t always focus on mine. I learned that true friends are there for each other in spite of everything. When they need each other, they say so. When they need each other, they come.

I used to think that nobody wanted to support me, but I’ve learned that I only thought that way because I was insecure. It’s not that I’m perfect now, I’ve just learned to love myself and trust in my own worth.

I said “goodbye” to toxic relationships

When I stopped pleasing others, I also distanced myself from destructive relationships. The ones who used words to hurt me, who were never by my side. I don’t want the people who made me feel insecure to be in my life anymore.

sad woman

I’ve decided to surround myself with true friends. I’ve discovered that there are fewer than I had previously thought, but also that I have just as many as I need. And now I won’t tolerate just anything so that people will accept me. I even had to say “goodbye” to some of my family. Which of course is more complicated, but it’s all about setting limits. They don’t like it very much, but I feel much better!

Pleasing others won’t get you anywhere

And you? Are you always afraid that others won’t like you? Do you live your life authentically, or do you live the life they told you to live? If you still haven’t stopped pleasing others, I challenge you to try it for a little while.

Give yourself a month of freedom. Distance yourself from everything that you don’t like. Put aside the comfort of following the rules and live for yourself.  You’ll find it fulfilling, and you won’t want to give it up.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.