Fight Loneliness with Wisdom
Solitude can be cruel and destructive if we turn it into our enemy. But the society we live in doesn’t help us think of it in any other way. From the time we are little we are instilled with the idea that being alone is something negative. It is something that differentiates successful people from failures. However, if you find yourself alone, what are you going to do? Are you going to stop living and enjoying life just because you don’t have anyone by your side?
The solution to all of this can be found within ourselves, but we don’t see it because we must do something very important: do things that we consider (out of sheer habit) to be things you can only do with other people. It’s also necessary to free ourselves from the belief that solitude is negative. In reality, it can be one of the most enriching experiences that we’ve ever had.
“What is solitude? Solitude is an encounter with oneself and shouldn’t be a reason for sadness. It is a time for reflection.”
Solitude is a gift
We often do truly ridiculous things to avoid being alone. We jump from one relationship to another, we do things we don’t want to for other people so we won’t “lose” them, etc. There is a whole series of things we do so to keep people in our life because we think that being alone is not a viable option.
Have you ever gone to the movies alone? Have you dared to eat at your favorite restaurant without another person? How many times have you given up on a plan because no one wants to go with you? If you think about it, you often limit yourself and can’t do what you enjoy because you don’t have another person with you. This is one of the most foolish things you could do.
It’s true that there will be people around you that look at you funny. Your family might say you’ve gone off your rocker to go alone to a bar or a club. This will pressure you to listen to them and feed the erroneous belief that you still lingers in your mind. But if you stay faithful to yourself and you refuse to sacrifice your enjoyment simply because you don’t have company, you will discover a whole world of possibilities.
“The best way to be happy with someone else is to learn to be happy by yourself. That way company is a question of choice, not of necessity.”
Of course you are afraid of rejection and feeling out of place. But who knows, maybe in that place you will find someone? It’s not about doing things with that particular goal in mind, you have to enjoy yourself. But anything could happen. Though you might not believe it, there are people who do things alone and they enjoy their solitude. They don’t care what other people might think.
We don’t need to depend on anyone
Our fear of solitude is the result of an intense habit of depending on others. Depending on our families, on our partner, on our friends… Not just to do things with, but sometimes simply to live. When we find solitude, we are free. But we are afraid of letting go, afraid of untying ourselves from that which gives us a sense of security.
We get dizzy when we realize that there is no one else with us on the tightrope, that we only have ourselves. We can’t ignore our fears and we don’t have a choice but to listen to ourselves. We have avoided it for a long time, drowning out the voice in crowds and listening to superficial conversations
In solitude, however, we discover a wonderful feeling. We discover that we are responsible for our lives, and that the societal norms and unspoken rules imposed on us matter so little. When we are alone, our hands tremble because we have to take the reins of our own life. That is scary. How many times have we thought we were free, but really we were dependent on others.
“To love, it is necessary to work on our inner selves. Only solitude makes this possible”.
-Alejandro Jodorowsky-
We can’t lie to ourselves. Solitude hurts because it forces us to face our greatest fears. But fear is always transitory and will never last longer than necessary. Solitude pushes us to be ourselves. It forces us to untie ourselves from all the stupid beliefs and norms that we considered absolute truths. In reality, they were pigeonholing us.
It isn’t bad to be alone or to enjoy being alone. Ignore those who make fun of you. They only tempt you to go back to your old ways, when you were oppressed by your dependence on others. If solitude comes into your life, do not deny it. Don’t try to avoid it by surrounding yourself with empty people who don’t give you anything. Embrace it, accept it, and, above all, enjoy it. Because solitude will help you enrich your life, discover yourself, and grow.
