For a Couple, Freedom Fuels the Flame

· November 13, 2016

We as human beings belong to a society that we haven’t chosen, a society in which songs say a lot about how much two people love each other. About how much they need each other, and how ideal it would be to be together. In children’s movies, we see how the prince saves the princess from dragons so that she may be HIS queen. And where it is almost obligatory for them to become one. But, where does that leave freedom, independence, and the individual project?

A house, a car, a computer and even a pet belongs to you, but not a person. A human being belongs to himself, the universe and his own experiences. Nobody has the right to take your identity and cut your wings.

How we survive “romantic” relationships

In the last two-hundred years, we can see how the romantic concept of love has been established. It implies contemplating each other and being one being. Love implies making the other person’s days unique because they are by your side.

figure-of-couple-in-the-clouds

You meet someone, and everything is marvelous. In the first few months everything is new. Every gesture, every word, every place. You don’t want to separate from that person for anything in the world. You start to create two-person dynamics, where before there was only one person. This is marvelous. But time passes and the dynamics run the risk of becoming needs, in a way where everything one person does without the other is interpreted as selfishness.


Herein lies the mistake. We should be rational enough, within the irrationality generated by love, to not lose our freedom. We should be aware that individual activities, your own friends and moments of solitude, are nothing more than the air needed by the comet of love in order for it to soar as high as it can.

Conversation is the best tool to promote independence 

In order to promote freedom and independence, healthy and functional communication is key. It shouldn’t be a problem to inform your partner of your plans. It’s not healthy for you to think about how to negotiate what you want or desire to do, as if a deal were being made. Your relationship is not a business deal. It should be a place of trust and comprehension in which all of the good from both partners should be poured.

couple-drinking-morning-coffee

When it comes time to talk with your partner, you should keep in mind, both of you, that you are not only talking to your partner. You are talking to your partner and their life experience. Here, two attitudes should come into play. On one hand, the understanding that they must adapt to you, since in the past they may have experienced things that now make them a distrusting and fearful person. And on the other hand, you should understand that your past is in the past, before you there is a new person that is going to give you a new future. One which will be great for the both of you.

Enjoying one another, sharing quality time freely

The biggest freedom can be found when we take advantage of our time and give it quality, like when we a grateful for the time another person dedicates to us. This way we can value the person next to us and every gesture they make towards us, without believing that “this is what you get”, nor that they are forced to do it because that is what society dictates as their role as a partner.

couple-at-the-beach

Therefore, in conclusion, it is good to remember that within a relationship, space is vital. The one you share, as well as your personal space. In fact, it’s most likely that by promoting your personal spaces, you will also enrich your shared space. Missing them, feeling the need to have them with you or having time to reflect are examples of activities that can add a lot to your relationship. Activities that are difficult if you spend every moment together.

“Mine. All mine. That mine that I have fallen in love with which is so yours. That your that’s so ours that I now feel is only mine. But it’s not a mine of having you here tied to me. It’s a mine that has nothing to do with possession. Because with you I have learned that nobody leaves with the door open.

Because with you I’m no longer a place, but a destination. Because my highest aspiration is to become your home, that place you always long to return to. Even when you bring sand from another sea on the soles of your feet.”
-Risto Mejide-