Everything Deserves a Second Try, Even Love
As I was reading this short yet exciting article by Leila Guierriero in the newspaper, I arrived at the core of her main point: love ends, and when it does, it tears us apart, but over time, we have to heal and try again.
“Say ‘I miss you’ out loud. Swear. Feel like nothing has meaning, at least not for very long. Think about dying. Move on.”
We associate the pain of an emotional blow with falling because it makes us collapse, hurts us, disorients us, and makes us think we’ve lost all of our strength. That’s why failures, mistakes, and setbacks scare us so much. Suddenly, we’re left with many open wounds, and nobody but us can stitch them up.
However, everything deserves a second try, and love is no exception. The fall isn’t what makes you suffer, it’s lying defeated on the floor. You can and should brush off the dust, dry your tears, and sew your heart back together. Don’t give up.
Bravely declare that you’ve lost everything
Perhaps more difficult than the breakup, likely for biological or sentimental reasons, is stopping to interpret what’s happening to you. It isn’t easy to acknowledge that you’re at the point where you have to react in order to move forward. But still, you’re can do it even if you don’t believe you can, and when you do, the grief process will run its course until you feel okay again.
It isn’t easy to take control of the situation, but it’s a price you have to pay if you want to be dazzled by new opportunities again. Wake up from your fragile sleepwalking and face the fear of acceptance. It will take a lot of effort, but I assure you that it’s worth it.
Julio Cortázar said that “nothing is lost if you’re brave enough to proclaim that everything is lost.” If you think about it, overcoming any emotional loss involves having the courage to face reality. You’ll get closer to the light if you have the guts to find it in the middle of so much darkness.
Go through the process of grief before starting a new relationship
We don’t often realize that the world “grief” isn’t just related to the death of a loved one; it’s also related to the emotional, cognitive, and physical shock that results from loss. In the case of a romantic relationship, the steps you go through are the same as other cases of grief, and how long they last depends on the person.
- Denial: in the breakup of a romantic relationship, the person who didn’t want to break up will deny having lost their partner.
- Anger or indifference: over time, the person will start to acknowledge the breakup, but they might not understand it. This will give rise to guilt, discontentment, etc.
- Negotiation: the breakup has been acknowledged, but the person might still be thinking of solutions or ways to get back together.
- Pain: in this phase of grief, the person hasn’t been able to find a solution and has been overtaken by sadness. If the feeling of suffering doesn’t gradually decrease, the person should ask for help.
- Acceptance: the person has realized that there’s no going back, and the has started to love themselves again. They’ve accepted the need to forget the old relationship and to make new memories outside of it.
“Forgetting is building new memories on top of old ones.”
Give yourself, and love, another chance
After the acceptance phase of the breakup, you’ll be ready to try new things again. This arduous journey will teach you to find yourself, learn from your mistakes, and above all, figure out what makes you happy. You have to love yourself so that you can love and be loved by someone else again.
In this way, you’ll give yourself another chance, and you’ll give someone else another chance to stay and make your world a better place. You deserve that pampering and affection. You might take a few steps back, sure, but it won’t hurt anymore. You’ll look at the past in amazement, with the brave face of a warrior.
“Sparks fly before your eyes,
Deafening bells ring in your ears,
and the stars start to dance.”
-Rosa Montero, The Ridiculous Idea of Not Seeing You Again-
Despite all the suffering that love has caused you, don’t let such a beautiful feeling be ruined by this bad experience. We were born to love, and even though it unfortunately hurts sometimes, it actually has nothing to do with pain. Allow yourself to get to know the best version of yourself with a new partner. If you’re really ready, don’t let fear stop you. Let it go, let it grow, and if it fails, always try again.