Closing a Past Relationship Well Is the Best Starting Point for the Next One

· September 6, 2017

Starting a new relationship means starting a new chapter in the book of your life. This implies learning the lessons of the previous chapters in order to be able to take advantage of the next one to the fullest. However, it doesn’t mean we should remain stuck in the past, like people who drive around with the hand brake on “just in case”.

Sometimes we encounter very common issues when starting a new romantic relationship. Depending on how our previous relationships have played out, we will be more or less cautious, more or less wary. We’re wandering around in the dark uncertainty of this new challenge that life has presented us with.

Far from becoming a spontaneous and natural act, falling in love becomes a risky profession. Fear grips us firmly by the hand, whispering into our ears the future risks related to past problems. It paralyzes the spontaneity and our enjoyment. Unfortunately, it distances us from others. It relegates us a second place position in a completely unfair manner. Unfair to us and to that new person who has appeared in our lives.

Before starting another chapter, let’s digest the previous one

Spontaneity, enjoyment and mental peace are oftentimes buried, meant for a better place. Waiting to be picked up from where we have tucked them away. Why? Maybe because an atrocious fear is born of repeating past mistakes. Of making the wrong choice, of not knowing how to predict the signs or to interpret them correctly.

woman looking back to the sea


As a result, you have to let some time pass for this old chapter to be adequately digested (within your possibilities). In order for all of the lessons and learning you have experienced to be filtered. When we immediately follow up one relationship with another, we aren’t allowing for rest. That resting period which our hearts need in order to sift through. Also, in order to understand the experiences it has lived.

“Those who don’t remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
-George Santayana-

 Above all in the cases in which the previous relationship was toxic and pernicious for us. We must be capable of finding a period of time in order to comprehend what this relationship wanted to teach us. Blaming the other person for our responsibility never helps. That’s why it’s always important to converse with ourselves in an honest and sincere way.

When we learn the lessons of the past, we make better choices

The following chapters will be read in a more liberal manner, without so many snags. Thus, people will come into our lives more naturally, in a less forced way. The heart will become calm and will learn the lessons from the past. That’s when it is willing to take on a new adventure, healthy and free.

“We should use the past as a trampoline and not as a couch.”
-Harold MacMillan-

couple in a diner

The mistakes from our past will help us learn how to choose the right person. Of course, we don’t want to experience that situation again, the one which made us suffer in the past. That’s why, it’s crucial to ask ourselves what responsibility we had in the previous experience. Which are the wounds that have made us choose one person over another as a romantic partner?

Uncertainty is a part of life, we cannot let it paralyze us

From that clean, pure and healthy place, we will be able to better choose a new mate in life. It will not be the hooks, or the dependency, or our deficiencies which will choose them. Instead, it will be each one of our “I”s, whole and healthy, who will make the choice. It will choose someone to enrich us, which will provide light and appeasement with their presence.

Learning the lessons from the past is crucial in order to keep walking down the path of life. Uncertainty whether everything will work out is something we have to accept as a part of our existence. But a wiser “I” will have emerged, and everything will cease to be so chaotic.

It’s good to be cautious and to have certain respect for what’s coming. Yet, we also have to leave some wiggle room for life to surprise us. Thus, close your past chapters well, learn its lessons in order to begin a new chapter with hope and surrender. This is the only way you will be able to welcome the good things that are to come.