Come, Let’s Look At Each Other to Say Goodbye
Come, let’s look at each other to say goodbye. I need to explain why I’m leaving, I want to clarify that sometimes love is not the answer to all voids or the remedy for all mistakes. I’m saying goodbye to you face to face because that’s how people who once loved each other and who deserve respect say goodbye.
However, blind love can never offer enough security for the relationship to flourish through the years. What we need is that deep love that offers us that full calm; where we see wrinkles not as a sign of many years together, but as days lived in harmony and happiness.
So far no one has the “magic formula” that guarantees such a thing. In the meantime, we continue risking ourselves, getting carried away and walking down the complex road of emotional relationships.
You will agree that one of the most difficult moments is certainly the breakup. And throughout your life you might have also tasted the bitter essence of “abandonment” and “being abandoned”…
Cutting ties, regardless of who does it, always causes pain in some form even if sometimes the separation is justified.
The last time you went through a breakup, what was it like? How did they “break up” with you? Or how did you do it? By phone? In a message? Moving away without saying anything? These ways of breaking it off are not appropriate and are especially unhealthy on an emotional level. Farewells should be face to face, staring into each others eyes and pulling from our hearts our truest sincerity…
“It’s not you, it’s me”
We know it’s not easy to tell the person who has shared our emotions, dreams, feelings and projects that we’ve stopped loving them. Or that we still love them, but are unhappy being with them. You do not want second attempts that will cause more suffering.
It’s not easy but it has to be done. The goodbye is a chest full of multiple mixed feelings, but with a clear need: to let go and end a chapter. To move on.
We must never fall into the famous expression “we have to end things but it’s not you, it’s me.” Behind these famous words we try to avoid hurting our partner who we no longer love, and do not want to hurt by exposing the truth. Hence, we seek shelter in the “it’s not you, it´s me“.
To this end, we choose put the blame on us. By projecting this false liberation of the couple and focusing on the problem in ourselves, we victimize ourselves and make it is easier to leave. We avoid telling the truth and leave in an immature way because our partner will never understand what really happened.
To break the link and close a stage in a complete and mature way, we must never fall into clichés or white lies. The truth hurts, but sooner or later we have to face it. Doubts, however, encourage false hopes.
Ways to handle saying goodbye to a relationship
- First, we must realize that the separation will be final. You know it will be best and you are completely convinced.
- It is quite possible that he or she already sensed certain things. However, some people prefer to wear a blindfold than to accept the truth, take the plunge and do what’s best for both parties. All love that is based on a lie, ends up falling into the abyss of a slow unhappiness.
- Think first about what you are going to say, and if you want you can practice it out loud. That way when you’re visualizing and listening to your words you can face the emotional burden. If you let it out beforehand, it will be better. You will have more control over it when it’s time.
- Now think of the possible arguments he or she may make about what you have just laid out. Ask yourself how you would justify or defend yourself.
- Visualize the farewell and the distancing. There is pain in it. But at the same time it is a form of liberation, something you’ve addressed fully and maturely.
Facing the farewell after being abandoned
Leaving someone brings great suffering, but being the ones who were broken up with can cause us a different kind of pain that can become very destructive: we lose our self esteem and our self-confidence…
You can’t allow it. Don’t let yourself to get carried away or become a victim. Everything can be overcome. The best remedy? Time and regaining your hopefulness.
The fact, for example, of being left for another person, or experiencing in our own skin that our partner has stopped loving us, are situations that will require a very deep mourning from which we will have to pick ourselves up again.
But whatever the reason the relationship ends, we also deserve to have them look us in the eyes, and explain why before they leave. Not knowing results in great anxiety and feeding false expectations.
It makes us lose vital time that we should have been using to “rebuild ourselves” to take the loss and rise again to advance along another path.
Breakups that are done through third parties, phone calls or coming home one day to find an empty house is a cycle that makes it very difficult for us to end.
Every “goodbye” needs to be done face to face while looking into the other person’s eyes. The breakup is not to be veiled with false ideas, or cowardly escapes which cause us pain and suffering.
Be brave. Show courage and emotional maturity towards your partners. In life there are doors that close and cycles that follow. Everything must be done with integrity and inner wisdom.