I Feel a Great Emptiness...

10 December, 2015

“I feel a great emptiness.” “I feel alone even when I have company.” “I feel empty even though I have everything I could ever want.” “I feel incomplete even though I have a wonderful person in my life.”

This feeling of unhappiness and dissatisfaction might sound familiar to you. This is an emotional void, a painful companion in our lives that makes us feel alone and incomplete.

The truth is that the possibility of feeling empty terrifies and blocks us. This is very logical, given that there is no deeper pain than facing our emotional reality.

And it makes us ask ourselves things that are fairly uncomfortable to talk about: If I have everything, what else could I ask for? What more can I strive for if my partner is already perfect? How many more friends do I need to have to not feel alone?

Well, your partner may be perfect and wonderful, but your relationship isn’t perfect and wonderful to you. This disappointment and pain is showing you that there’s something you need to change. And unless you want to keep feeling badly, you should start right away.

It might also be that you already have everything, but maybe there’s something more that you can’t even imagine within your reach. It’s possible that you’re surrounded by people, but that all of these people are not the right ones for you. Or maybe you just need a change of scenery.

“There are people that, even while in a relationship, feel as lonely and empty as if they were alone. There are others that, in order to not wait, decide to be with the wrong person. In their selfishness, they don’t allow that person to walk away, though they know they don’t make them happy.

There are people that stay in ruined marriages or relationships, just because they think that being alone is even harder and more unacceptable. There are people that decide to settle for second place. But this is a tough, uncomfortable journey, full of pain and abandonment.

But there are some people that are alone, but they shine regardless. They give themselves over completely to life. People that don’t burn out. On the contrary, each day they shine brighter and brighter.

These people learn to enjoy solitude, because it helps them become closer to themselves. It helps them grow. It strengthens them from within.

These are the people that, without even knowing how, will one day find themselves next to a person who truly loves them, and they will fall in love in a wonderful way.”

-Mother Teresa-

What’s behind an emotional void?

Behind that emptiness hides the slavery, longing, sadness and a need for affection and emotional liberty. It presents itself in a cruel way, masked by mixed emotions due to doubts, exhaustion and a illusion.

But, why does this happen? Why does the void come, gives us a strong emotional blow, and leave us on our back? Well, the answer is very simple: we don’t know ourselves very well. In other words, have you ever analyzed what you need, how you feel, where you need to go and what you’re willing to do to get there?

The right question isn’t “what’s happening in my life?” but rather “who wants to live it?” Knowing this, we should stop thinking that we’re tall, beautiful, friendly people, and think that the important thing is to have a healthy self-awareness that sustain us.

Emotional identity and self-awareness: the keys to our wellbeing

We should leave aside the wrong approaches and define ourselves in the present. The important thing is not that we’re doctors, salespeople or stay-at-home moms. Thinking this way leaves us equally as empty, full of longing and without an identity.

That’s why it’s crucial for us to notice that the price to pay for our ignorance is very high. Do you really want to be just another doctor, to find the love of our lives or be a parent? Not really. We won’t settle for this, and that’s where our problems lie.

When our “I” fails, an emotional void is produced. Everything becomes simply labels. They become patches that cover up our wounds and masks that keep our eyes covered.

What can help when we feel the emptiness?

The emotional void is piercing and unbearable. It reminds us that we need something that we can’t seem to find. It floods our being with hopelessness and desolation.

We can try to fill the emptiness by excess eating, looking for a great love, drinking alcohol, wearing ourselves out at the gym or overloading our schedule. However, that insufferable feeling of “I need something but I don’t know what it is” is still on the prowl.

Without a doubt, the void impacts our lives and our wellbeing, making the architecture that maintains our emotions crumble. This “mental disconnection” that’s produced between the limbic and prefrontal systems is the same one that occurs in people that suffer from depression.

The fight against the void isn’t an easy one. It seems that many of the most negative emotions and feelings imaginable have turned against us, teaming up to rip us apart. However, we can always decide whether to take the reins of our life and start determining what’s upsetting us, or if we’ll stay on the sinking ship, in a sea of uncertainty and sorrow.

Everyone has to look within themselves and try to find the key to their own emptiness. There are no magic formulas or infallible remedies. The solution is within each of us. Therefore, it’s up to us to uncover the truth. After all, change is a door that can only be opened from the inside.