It's Clear That You Make Love by Talking

You make love by talking. But not just talking with words, talking with your body, your attitude, tongue and glances…Because you can’t reduce an expression that intense to a simple sexual act.

Making love is to make poetry, with your body and your mind, with your whole being. Because you make love with intertwined bodies and souls, united in their maximum emotional expression.

So, yes, Lacan was right when he said it was clear that you make love by talking. You can’t reduce love to a “simple” carnal act. Because with a glance, with a being, with “all of you and all of me” you can transmit that tenderness, mystery and rush of desire.

“What I like about your body is the sex.
What I like about your sex is your mouth.
And what I like about your mouth is your tongue.
What I like about your tongue is your words.”
-Julio Cortázar-

The eroticism behind glances, the prelude of an emotional undressing

You don’t get completely naked until the eroticism of glances exceeds the carnal barrier. We seduce each other through numerous acts. We connect through emotions, and become entrapped in the labels that good love making instigates us to create.

Words, uplifting in their maximum expression, get us closer to an emotional undressing. That way of baring it all hints on the horizon, but very few couples actually reach it.

It is hard to recreate that concept in a society that has received a sex-centric education. They have taught us that we should make love with mere sexual contact. But no, sexual contact is just one part of making love.

Usually, we realize this when something is lacking, when we skip that step and something goes wrong. When we don’t converse with the body or through glances or caresses. So, apologizing for our emotional needs, we polarize our communications.

We make ourselves believe the mistake that’s in our body, when we haven’t even let our mind connect. Hence, we forget that foreplay isn’t a 30-minute thing. It actually requires hours. Nevertheless, theorizing love implies choosing a certain type of love. Being aware of the underlying inclination behind that idea, it’s necessary to state that in each appreciation, it’s up to the reader to identify (or not), with this point of view.

However, the reflection hidden within these words is that making love is not the same thing as having sex. Definitely not. At least not from the idea of love we share as a culture. Having sex can be understood as loving the skin of another, but not their interior. Or, at least, not an inner world that goes beyond what is essentially represented.

Emotional undressing, the best kind of foreplay

Once again quoting the magnificent Lacan, “love is he who approaches in the encounter the whole being”. The world would be a completely different place if before baring bodies, we would bare our souls. Starting, of course, with our own.

Because, as we have stated in other occasions, the most intimate encounter between two people is not the sexual kind, but the emotional undressing. Because this exchange is produced when one overcomes fear, and we let the other person truly get to know us, who we are in each of our facets.

It is not easy to accomplish. In fact, an emotional undressing is not something that is accomplished without hard work or with just anyone. It requires time, effort and a desire and will to listen, feel and embrace emotions.

Listening to one another, connecting and getting to know our emotional inheritance, that is to say, scanning our emotional body is indispensable in order to uncover our fears, conflicts, insecurities, accomplishments, lessons learned, etc.

Because one truly makes love when we get to know our emotional philosophy. When we explore our vulnerabilities. When we become aware of what harms us and what makes us bloom.

It’s essential to contemplate the image of our emotional mirror in order to project ourselves through our glances, words, caresses or affection. That’s how you make love.