Call Me Crazy, I’ll Be Happy

November 9, 2016

I’m tired of hearing the word crazy, especially since it’s so misused. It’s like an out-of-context, poorly used saying that’s pleasing to ignorant ears, but grating to those who know the deeper reality.

Crazy, demented, weird, different, strange, defective, insane, disturbed, dangerous, unbalanced, maniac, mad, crackpot, schizophrenic, bonkers, off your rocker, bipolar, deranged, raving, paranoid, dumb, sick, unhinged, psychopath, lunatic, nutcase.

“They call me crazy because I live in a disorderly, untimely, impulsive way – my way.”

-Juan Ramón Marcos Sánchez. Dialogues with my Conscience

Fill the emptiness of ignorance with meaning

jar of letters

All ignorance can be cured through words. Distance yourself from stigmas and false myths. Get closer to knowing the reality firsthand. All I’m asking you to do is banish outdated concepts and open your mind to one that’s new to you, but existing to everyone else.

I know that your confusion is not evil, but sometimes I think the opposite. I won’t deny that the word crazy has caused me pain at times. It has made me feel strange, different,  and worthless. This is not a good feeling, and it’s hard to get used to.

I’ve learned, as I expect you also have, that one word can have multiple meanings. That from afar, everything seems confusing, but as you get closer, what once was blurry is now clear and detailed.

Strength in craziness

This one word can’t express all the meaning that it’s come to hold. I’ve suffered, I’ve cried, I’ve felt trapped in a maze without escape. I’ve had days when I thought about throwing in the towel, giving up on everything, because it felt like nothing had meaning. That it never really had any meaning.

golden tears

If I ever gave up, there were people around me who reminded me not to, who said it wasn’t worth it. To all those people who gave me a hand instead of trying to trip me, all I can say is thank you from my heart.

There are few of us who fight against many others. I’ve come out of battle stronger, with wounds and scars that show that I fought to the end, but the effort has not been in vain. Today I am strong, and what scared me yesterday is now just a part of my routine.

I won’t stop being who I am

It’s been hard to realize and accept that I am who I am. Your comments have caused me to doubt, have made me suffer, and have made me question every tiny part of my being. It’s been a journey full of potholes, falling, and breaking, but I’ve finally reached my goal.

Sure I’m not a perfect person; I’ve never met anyone who is. Like any other human being, I fail and make mistakes. I correct them, but sometimes it’s too late. I hope that you understand, that you stay by my side and don’t turn your back on me.

I won’t stop being who I am just to please you. I feel lucky that I’ve gotten to know myself and love myself unconditionally. I didn’t come into this world to please you and be the way you want me to be. I am me. I would like if you liked me, but just like I accept myself, I accept that it isn’t possible to please everybody.

girl with butterflies

“Sometimes I hug so sincerely, so strongly, that my tattoos leave a mark on the other person’s skin. But other times I need to hide myself and that a decision was made by me and that if I fail, it’s a failure without fault. And later I scold myself and curse my cowardice and promise to change. And I don’t change, I don’t know if I want to, if I can.”

-Juan Ramón Marcos Sánchez. Dialogues with my Conscience

Call me crazy, I’ll be happy

If it pleases you to call me an adjective that I’m not, no one’s going to stop you. Label me in one way or another if it makes you feel better. Reduce my world to one word and then hide behind it. Call me crazy if you want, but if you do, know what this word really means.

Crazy, strong, brave, friendly, peaceful, affectionate, unique, fighter, capable, educated, careful, responsible, hardworking, amazing, intelligent, attentive, wonderful, warrior, tenacious, original, resilient, meticulous, sweet, silly, human, sensitive, interesting, exceptional.

“And from the distance of a voluntary autism, you smile with the security of knowing that only crazy people are sane. They call me crazy and I’m happy.”

-Juan Ramón Marcos Sánchez. Dialogues with my Conscience

Strength Is Setting Yourself Free