Why Sleeping Beauty Shouldn’t Wait For Her Prince

March 27, 2018

Once upon a time there was a Sleeping Beauty whose was fast asleep in her relationship. To awaken from her sleep, she needed a prince to give her the kiss that would break the spell she had been subjected to. He was her “saviour”, the one who would set her free from her slumber and help her to wake up. But what if in reality the prince never shows up? What happens if those expectations of salvation that sleeping beauty has placed on the prince are not fulfilled? And what is the delicate relationship between love and independence?

Many of today’s relationships follow the same pattern. Some of these sleeping beauties cling to a prince that never arrives, and they are condemned to be just spectators in life unless he turns up.

These beauties seem to need someone else to fulfil that role. The role of making them happy, the role of activating them. Sometimes they find that “someone”, but then they lose them again. They become so depressed that they seem to fall into a dream in which they can’t enjoy anything, where nothing makes sense if their beloved is not by their side.

I do not choose, they choose me. The fact is that I don’t love myself nor do I value myself and I’m not happy. I let others have this responsibility, and when they leave, I am empty.

Love and independence

There are many sleeping beauties in this world. Women who receive a kiss from a “prince” without really having a say in the matter, without even knowing if they really want to receive it. But once they receive that kiss then they cling to their savior. He has been her lifeline and that surely deserves a reward doesn’t it? It wouldn’t be a good idea to get rid of him, because what guarantee is there that another prince will come along?

That is the point when they truly bury themselves in a submissive relationship in which they are eternally grateful to their “saviour prince”. They devote themselves entirely to him, owing him their very lives and relying on him for their happiness. Their life is perfect! Their love is forever! But it’s not long before they begin to notice that something is wrong. Their prince doesn’t look at them as he did before, he seems to be tired of them! Happiness is broken and all that is left is a painful, cruel reality.

Couple kissing underwater

Love turns into suffering

This is when love turns into suffering and it becomes a constant struggle to keep it going. The sleeping beauty strives, gives everything, even humbles herself. But things aren’t the same. The beauty wonders if the prince ever really wanted her in the first place. Maybe he just wanted to kiss her, and she let herself be carried along. She wonders what she did wrong. Maybe she should have made it more difficult, pretending to be asleep even when the prince had kissed her that first time.

The belief that we can find our perfect other half, or a savior prince whom we’ll feel complete with, causes emotional dependence to transform relationships into destructive slavery. Love and independence should go hand in hand, not fight each other. 

Sleeping beauty has lost her identity; she has depended on her prince from the word go. If he should leave her then she would be nothing, because she needed him to come back to life in the first place. Emotional dependence has trapped her. Love is no longer synonymous with happiness, but rather with effort and suffering. She feels like she is dying every time her prince distances himself from her. It isn’t fair, but it may actually be necessary. Why? Because sleeping beauty has to wake up, but this time by herself.

How Sleeping Beauty can wake up without her prince

All these stories of princesses over the years have made us think that we need someone in order to be happy. That somehow we are incomplete on our own. Today, of course, we know this as emotional dependence. A state in which we are nobody without the other person. Our happiness, well-being and enjoyment all depend on how the other person is and how they are feeling. It’s not fair, right? And the other person never seems to suffer in the same way!

Sleeping Beauty is tired of waiting for her prince to come and kiss her to wake her up. This just shows that she doesn’t have much self-esteem and that she isn’t capable of facing life on her own, and that she cannot link love and independence.

What would happen if she stopped waiting and conforming and simply opened her eyes? Then she would know how strong she really is. She would know that princes are not saviors and that she doesn’t have to pin her hopes on them. Whether the prince is a good one or a bad one, he will end up overwhelmed by all that responsibility and will walk away.

Love and independence

Rose-tinted spectacles

It’s time to stop offering ourselves to the first person who comes to us, thinking that he will be our salvation. It’s time to stop thinking that everything is perfect, only to suffer when things don’t go as we hoped. We often put on rose-tinted spectacles through which we see things as we want to see them. We’re afraid to take them off and see things as they really are. We’re afraid to see love and independence separately.

Bless those who leave you because they give you back yourself

-Alejandro Jodorowsky-

If the prince doesn’t arrive, the sleeping beauty may die without ever waking up. This is something that, sadly, happens very often. If that perfect relationship doesn’t ever arrive then we are sad, we feel sorry for ourselves. We think nobody loves us and that we aren’t worth anything. Wake up! How can you think you’re not worth anything? Why do you need someone else to see your worth just so that you can believe it? Why do you join love and independence?

It’s time for the sleeping beauty to wake up once and for all and stop giving in and letting herself be awakened by princes who, perhaps, will one day end up becoming toads! She has the right to choose the prince for herself, she doesn’t have to wait for him. She respects and values herself, and she deserves the best.

Just because you have someone on the end of your arm it doesn’t mean your life will be better. Your life is already complete and full. Sleeping beauty, once she became aware of this, finally woke up. She stopped needing someone else, and it was then that she began to truly love, and to realize that she was beautiful in herself. And, of course, she lived happily ever after!

Woman sitting in wood