When You Have to Beg for Love, It’s Not Really Love

August 21, 2016

When you have to beg for love, it’s not really love, it’s a lack of dignity and respect for yourself. Because when you love someone, you take care of them and try to prevent them from feeling pain if you can. So if you don’t protect yourself from “false love,” if you don’t keep yourself from feeling pain, then you’re not really loving yourself.

Loving yourself is the first step towards loving fullyso that you don’t fall victim to manipulation or mistreatment. You might think that suffering is inevitable in these situations, but that’s not true.

Every human being is capable of improving themselves, making it impossible for others to take advantage of their feelings, and evaluating whether they deserve to be in a relationship that does not provide them with happiness, enjoyment, or growth.

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The pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back

When you say goodbye to a relationship with someone who didn’t love you back, who didn’t show you attention or affection, you have to respect your period of grief, which requires that you give yourself space for understanding what happened to you.

The pain involved needs to be reflected on and dealt with, because the anguish of realizing that the other person doesn’t love you can make you feel like something is eating you alive from the inside. You might feel like that absence of love is a betrayal of your feelings and a mockery of your capacity to love.

Give yourself time to be angry, to deny reality, to fantasize, to be horrified, to fall down, to disavow and then reclaim both the parts of you that have broken and the ones that remain intact, to make sense of conflicting emotions, etc.

All of this is essential for you to love yourself, to feel important, and to value yourself. In the end, when you let go of someone who didn’t love you, you begin the process of emotional freedom, which involves the catharsis of saying goodbye to pain.

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Loss of interest kills affection

Love should be readily demonstrated; you shouldn’t have to beg for it. If you beg for it, you’re submitting yourself to the worst kind of torture: indifference. Indifference involves an imbalance in the relationship, and is sustained by the relationship’s weak foundation.

Nothing opens your eyes when you want to close them like continued displays of disinterest. And so you realize that not every “love” is true love, and that just because you want someone doesn’t mean that they’ll want you back. In order for a couple to be happy together, both members need to laugh together, make decisions together, and love each other.

A love that’s based on healthy behaviors, not just feelings, can only be created in the absence of lies, excuses, and disinterest. We deserve to be in close relationships that are based on appreciation, shared time, and mutual affection.

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It’s necessary to nourish your self-esteem

Nobody can make you unhappy without your consent. To build a happy relationship, you must love yourself, value yourself, and believe you are important. In other words, you should show yourself that you love yourself every day.

Once you do that, you’ll stop getting involved with people who don’t show interest in you. You’ll stop subjecting yourself to the emotional torture of indifference that crushes you with ignored messages and unfounded silences.

It doesn’t matter who disappoints you, or that you feel like you’re with the love of our life, or that you don’t believe in eternal love. True, essential love is love for oneself, and based on this sentiment, you can evaluate what you deserve and don’t deserve.

Images courtesy of Benjamin Lacombe