Deactivate Your Ego to Love Fully

· November 17, 2015

The ego has a limited view of reality, and it only accepts its own point of view, its own way of understanding the world, and even its own way of loving. Few things can be more harmful and destructive than egoismwhether it comes to friendship, the workplace, or a romantic relationship.

The ego likes things to be the way it wants, that the world be organized according to its own perspectives, to its own personal concept of what is good and bad. It doesn’t like unforeseen or spontaneous circumstances, or reactions that are out of its control or that express someone else’s own will.

In order to love fully, we must deactivate our ego, thus allowing others to love us freely, to be people with their own free will, and not the way we want them to be. Love that is offered spontaneously and fully is without a doubt the most complete and authentic kind of love.

What lies behind the mask of the ego

It’s common to enter into a relationship with people that display virtues that are admirable in principle. Aspects like security in oneself, poise, a strong sense of self confidence, and even protectiveness can dazzle us at first.

However, over time this initial protectiveness turns into obsessiveness and a need for control, such that we must conform to their own patterns. In other words, what we at first confused for protectiveness is really a fear that we’ll escape from their control, and that we’ll point out their vulnerabilities. 


heart in a cage

People with a big ego seek, above all, to be recognized by others, and especially by their partners, because they aren’t capable of recognizing themselves. And the reason for that is fear, which they cover up with their ego in order to survive.

In reality, it’s not easy to deactivate the ego of the person that we love. Once we discover it, or once we realize that their virtues are actually double-edged swords, and that they use their ego to create expectations for us to submit to, make it clear that all they’re doing is trying to fill their own emptiness through domination and an unhealthy attachment which they use to hide their immaturity.

The many faces of egoism

The ego has many faces, and we’re sure that you already know some of them:

  • Using victimization as a weapon.
  • Seeking to be recognized for everything that they do, say, and express, without ever considering others themselves.
  • Burdening you in order to unburden their ego.
  • Looking for someone to blame for problems or situations that they create.
  • Refusal to be spontaneous, try new things, or stray from routine. Not letting you enjoy your own hobbies in your own space.
  • Blocking your own personal growth

Learn to deactivate the ego

We must understand that the ego makes us disconnect completely from mature love. Mature love is offered freely and completely to the other person in the relationship. It means that we cherish what we have in common but always respect the personal growth of each party.

hole in the wall

If your partner is the epitome of egoism, set limits from the start and make it clear that love is not judging, controlling, or filling one’s own emptiness and insecurities through manipulation. Love is not burdening someone. It’s personal growth and completeness.

It’s necessary that we stop doing what our ego wants and start enjoying things as they happen. It’s only then that our awareness of love will awaken, which will make way for spontaneity every day, a freedom that has no attachments and where everyone is in control of themselves, and in turn, part of a common plan.

We can’t forget that many of us, in some way, are a little egotistical in emotional terms. However, everything has its own balance. If we let the ego act with all of its intensity, we’ll never see the reality of things, but rather our own needs and the negative feelings that they create.

Images courtesy of Benjamin Lacombe, Toon Herlz