If You Want Me, You'll Find Me

Written and verified by the psychologist Raquel Aldana.

Last update: 21 February, 2022

Don’t try to run after anyone who sees you and avoids you. Don’t try to run after anyone who already knows where you are, knows you want to follow them, and doesn’t make way for you. No. You have to give yourself a chance.

Don’t beg for affection if someone is not interested. It’s time to tear the pages off the calendar. It’s time to rise again, to love yourself, and to have dignity. If they want you, they will look for you.

Affection doesn’t speak the same language as selfishness and indifference. No, affection is sincere, neutral, friendly, and reciprocal; it only knows of self-interest when it seeks a mutual benefit, when it tries to water its tree and grow.

Crawling around and begging for crumbs of attention and affection leaves a permanent mark on our self-esteem and on our emotional well-being. Being ignored makes us feel small, insignificant, and vulnerable. 

This is joined by powerlessness, frustration, and anger at not achieving the type of relationship that we wanted to have with that person who sees our presence but remains completely uninterested.

Our self-concept becomes impaired when this happens and we become unable to see our value as individuals.

Restoring what time and other people’s indifferent attitudes have impaired is not an easy task. Putting our pieces back together requires pride, courage, and a certain level of healthy selfishness that involves nothing more than starting to take care of ourselves above everything else.

Don’t look for them, let them find you

If you start to look for yourself, it will allow other people to find you. By running after people who ignore you, you are poisoning yourself. Whoever wants you will look for you, and whoever doesn’t look for you is simply not someone you want by your side.

Have you learned how to fly? It’s time to put it into practice; spread your wings and take flight. Take back the reins of your life and surround yourself with people who won’t ask you to beg, drown you, or thrive on selfishness.

Know that pretenses that come from a selfish heart will leave a mark on you. Therefore, try to rid yourself of the stones that they put in your shoes as soon as possible.

We can’t (and we shouldn’t) escape from the damage that’s already been done and the suffering that’s already been felt, caused by someone who doesn’t want us in their lives but has still taken advantage of us by their side.

You should know that nothing is possible if you don’t take care of yourself or prevent other people from governing your life. Once you break the vicious cycle, it’s difficult to stop missing or craving something that you never had but always wanted. It’s likely that you poorly managed your own emotions and weren’t in tune with what really makes you happy.

But dropping everything that doesn’t benefit you will change the winds in your life. Little by little, you’ll rediscover that you only need yourself to live, you are the most indispensable person in your life, and you deserve to be surrounded by people who appreciate your company.

So if somebody doesn’t dedicate even a minute of their lives to you, but still demands a lot from you and breaks you into a thousand pieces with their indifference, it’s time to say goodbye. Leave and let them look for you, because if they want you, they will find you. It’s time to assert yourself.