Unconscious Attitudes that Prevent You from Finding Love
Many lonely people in the world would like to find love but don’t seem able to. If you’re one of them, you might have certain unconscious attitudes that are preventing you from finding a partner.
Humans are complex and contradictory. It isn’t uncommon for them to set goals but never reach them. This happens because, without realizing it, you put unconscious mechanisms that sabotage your plans in place. Unresolved fears, desires, or traumas are usually behind these mechanisms.
“We can only learn to love by loving.”
-Iris Murdoch-
This is much more evident in romantic love. Because there are so many emotions at play, you can easily get confused and not know what’s going on. For this reason, it’s useful to examine some of the unconscious attitudes that could be preventing you from finding a partner. Here are some of them:
A desperate craving for love
This attitude prevents you from finding a partner. That’s because your extreme desire means you approach your prospective partners in an extremely anxious way. Indeed, you’re craving love so much that you just can’t hide your desperation.
Some people think they’ll only be happy if they find a suitable partner. However, in reality, the opposite is true. Only by building a life that you’re comfortable with will you be able to find a partner to share it with. A desperate craving for love means that you’re disoriented and lack self-love.
Indecision
Perhaps you don’t know what you want or you want to get all the answers before even asking the questions. This leads to doubt, and doubt leads to indecision. In fact, in these cases, you’ll feel unsure about the relationship and won’t know if you want to move forward with it, etc.
However, at the early stages of a relationship, it’s simply not possible to know all of these things. You’ll know the answer as things move forward. There are no guarantees in life. As Antonio Machado said, “There’s no road, the road’s made by walking”.
Hiding your emotions
Insecurity can sometimes lead you to hide your emotions. This makes you feel very vulnerable. However, you don’t want your prospective partner to notice. For this reason, you don’t openly express what you’re feeling.
In the field of love, you’re often helpless. When you open your heart to someone, you run the risk of being hurt. Unfortunately, what you often don’t realize is that being overly defensive also hurts you. Consequently, this is another unconscious attitude that prevents you from finding a partner.
Avoidance and mistrust
Avoidance and mistrust are also due to insecurity. This might be due to past experiences that hurt you. However, it isn’t the experiences themselves that make you defensive, it’s the fact that you haven’t worked through them properly.
Working through negative experiences means analyzing and understanding them. In fact, you need to understand what went wrong and accept it. In reality, a previous situation that caused you pain should make you stronger, not weaker. Otherwise, instead of building bridges with your partner, you’ll end up building impenetrable walls.
Extreme demand
This attitude might affect you if you tend to idealize love. We all have a romantic side, but perhaps you’re the kind of person who gets carried away by it all. You want everything to be perfect, for violins to play when you’re with your partner, and for there to be 100 percent sincerity and devotion in the relationship at all times.
Under these kinds of conditions, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to find anyone who meets your expectations. In fact, if there’s anything that characterizes human beings, it’s imperfections. People tend to fall more in love with imperfections than virtues. That’s because it’s virtually impossible to maintain a relationship with someone who’s “perfect”.
It seems only reasonable to think that, if you want a partner enough, you’ll find one. However, at the end of the day, this isn’t a matter of bad luck. For this reason, you should take a look at yourself. If you’re showing any signs of the unconscious attitudes we mentioned above, this might be what’s preventing you from finding a partner.
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- Becerril, D. (2001). Relaciones de pareja. Revista de educación, 325, 49-56.
